Things I Learned Since Moving To LA From The Good Ole Midwest
- My Goodwill wardrobe really ain ‘t cutting it out here.
- Neither is my face.
- Or body in general.
- 90% of LA drivers think I deserve to be flipped the bird. (I do.)
- Everyone smokes medical marijuana.(even my dealer.)
- Celebrities are just like any regular person back home! (in that they, too, just want me to fuck off.)
- Smog testing is a thing. (that I still have to Google.)
- There are more salad chains out here than fast food chains.
- Coconut water is more abundant than tap water.
- Milk can be purchased in many genres. (soy, almond, breast, lactaid, organic)
- Kale has more followers than Jesus and Kim Kardashian combined.
- Tried kale to try to understand the hype and determined it ‘s basically just aggressive spinach.
- Apparently every side dish doesn ‘t have to be deep fried and covered in cheese? (and if it is,it ‘s organic, free-range, unprocessed, vegan, & triple filtered through the hands of God.)
- Basically, you have to try REALLY hard to be unhealthy in LA. (but I ‘m still managing.)
- All the waiters are hot.
- All the Uber drivers are hot.
- Everyone is hot and deserves to be more than just an extra on Law& Order, damn it.
- Even out here they STILL haven ‘t kaught up with the Kardashians.
- It ‘s easier to be poor in Ohio. (the other night I spent a month ‘s rent on a margarita.)
- In-N-Out is over rated. (Please don ‘t hurt me.)
- Gas can be over a dollar difference at 2 separate gas stations on the same block. (and I will always pick the wrong one)
- I still can ‘t tan. (But I ‘m hoping this excessive sunlight will connect my freckles into one massive conglomerate of pseudo-tan. Fingers crossed!)
- My Tinder options are solely hot brooding head shots. (I ‘m okay with it.)
- I think my Tinder is broken ’cause I get like half as many matches as I did in Chicago/Ohio. (no, no, I ‘m certain it ‘s broken, I haven ‘t updated it in a while. Shhh ‘just let me have this.)
