By: Jason Flowers
This week ‘s tweets will leave you still feeling hungry.
Superman hides his identity w/ glasses & a side part. I wear a quilt w/ eye holes & it's still “Lisa, you've been banned from this Wendy's”.
‘ Lisa Marie ?? (@xLiserx) July 26, 2016
Date: Why do you have all these Subway sandwiches in your apartment?
Me: I figure when the sandwich artist dies, they'll be worth a fortune.
‘ Lord P (friendly *neigh*borhood pony) (@HiddenPinky) July 28, 2016
Before they invented sliced bread you just had to make a sandwich with two whole breads
‘ skateboarding ‘s ANthony Hawk (@hippieswordfish) July 28, 2016
Taco guy: guac costs extra
Obi Wan: [wafts hand] guac is free
Taco Guy: guac is free ‘
Anakin: why'd u even pay for the taco?
Obi Wan: dammit
‘ GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) July 25, 2016
Apple's movie trailer page is a real “Wall of posters in a Seinfeld episode where they go to the movies” right now. pic.twitter.com/TFX5WHxKkq
‘ Dave Horwitz (@Dave_Horwitz) July 27, 2016
We need to make shooting just one person cool again.
‘ George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) July 28, 2016
men HATE it when the rabbit theyre hunting dresses up as a beautiful woman and seduces them
‘ ‘big content’ (@PREMlUMCONTENT) July 28, 2016
MY AUNT IN REAL LIFE: would you like an ice cream?
MY AUNT ON FACEBOOK: here is five quite racist memes
‘ Bea_ker (@bea_ker) July 27, 2016
Save 4,000 calories by going to bed at 7pm.
‘ That Carly Girl (@thatcarlygirl) June 16, 2016
THE YEAR 1952
eisenhower: this is my dwight song
eisenhower: my i like ike song
‘ Ariel Edwards-Levy (@aedwardslevy) July 29, 2016
I hope Hillary being president opens the door for more US presidents to have sex with each other.
‘ Chris Schleicher (@cschleichsrun) July 29, 2016
debbie wasserman schultz can use the time off to focus on her true passion: asking a waiter not working in her section for cleaner utensils.
‘ josh androsky (@ShutUpAndrosky) July 24, 2016
It's obvious email isn't secure. The only truly private communication is stuff you say towards the end of a very long podcast.
‘ Cat Powerman 5000 ‘ (@TimDuffy) July 27, 2016
Sam Nulman delivers PRANKS straight to the FACE! In this episode, Sam takes it to the street and gives unsuspecting strangers a taste of food pranks. With: Sam Nulman Nicole Conlan Jordan Olds Lacey Jeka Teddy Greenberg Elliot Townsend Ryan Rigley Rachel Puchkoff Luke Nilsson J.D. Fetcho Emily Wernet Cody Lang and Drew Kaufman Shot by Alex Waterson Sound by Steve Burgess Edited by Efraim Klein