13 Teen Choice Awards Winners

The Teen Choice Awards Show was scheduled for last night and, for the 17th year in a row, it happened! We ‘ve compiled a complete list of who won the coveted surfboard trophies below!

Hang 10, teens and non-teens!

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Best Woman: HILLARY CLINTON!

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Best Man: ORLANDO BLOOM!

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Most Likely To Use the Surfboard: MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY!

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Best Song: ANY ACOUSTIC COVER OF R. KELLY “IGNITION (REMIX) ‘ by YOUTUBE!

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The WTF OMG LIT AF THOT CUCK of the year: ALEC BALDWIN!

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Best Cellphone Plan: SPRINT ‘S UNLIMITED DATA, TALK, AND TEXT (3-10 LINES FOR ONLY $30/MONTH)!

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Best Book: KANYE WEST / TAYLOR SWIFT TWITTER FEUD!

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Best Meat Cut: TENDERLOIN!

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Best Former Teen: MICHELLE WIE!

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Best Alternative Teen: MALALA YOUSAFZAI!

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Sexiest Teen: [redacted by police turn off your computer and turn yourself in you are being arrested the police are on their way]!