By: Funny Or Die

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13 Teen Choice Awards Winners

The Teen Choice Awards Show was scheduled for last night and, for the 17th year in a row, it happened! We ‘ve compiled a complete list of who won the coveted surfboard trophies below!

Hang 10, teens and non-teens!


Best Woman: HILLARY CLINTON!


Best Man: ORLANDO BLOOM!


Most Likely To Use the Surfboard: MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY!


Best Song: ANY ACOUSTIC COVER OF R. KELLY “IGNITION (REMIX) ‘ by YOUTUBE!


The WTF OMG LIT AF THOT CUCK of the year: ALEC BALDWIN!


Best Cellphone Plan: SPRINT ‘S UNLIMITED DATA, TALK, AND TEXT (3-10 LINES FOR ONLY $30/MONTH)!


Best Book: KANYE WEST / TAYLOR SWIFT TWITTER FEUD!


Best Meat Cut: TENDERLOIN!


Best Former Teen: MICHELLE WIE!


Best Alternative Teen: MALALA YOUSAFZAI!


Sexiest Teen: [redacted by police turn off your computer and turn yourself in you are being arrested the police are on their way]!

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