By: Jason Flowers
25 Tweets About The Olympics That We’re Gonna Need You To Read By The End Of The Day

Expect these tweets to take their rightful place on the Olympic podium.
the olympics are held once every 4 years.. hell even im not held that often!!!!!
‘ rob whisman (@robwhisman) August 8, 2016
I like when the Olympics happens because it reminds people to expect less of me.
‘ Danielle Grace (@danimgrace) August 8, 2016
The Olympic events I would excel at most would be Buttering and Cryathlon.
‘ Paula Pell (@perlapell) August 6, 2016
Why do we have different swimming strokes in the Olympics? It would be like if we had the 100m dash and then the 100m goofy trot.
‘ Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) August 7, 2016
sorry but the only “summer games” i'm interested in is the cruel wager my wife and i have made to see who can first seduce our au pair
‘ dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) August 8, 2016
Watching Olympics proves I shouldn't be on a jury cause it only takes 30 seconds of back story for me to root for someone unconditionally
‘ Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) August 8, 2016
“Mom, what happens after we die?”
“Our bodies become Rio Olympics beach volleyballs.” pic.twitter.com/XKPr1B4rHa‘ Kashana (@kashanacauley) July 1, 2016
What kind of bouncy house does your son want?
He likes the Olympics, sports, turtles, ties, 2/3 of North America… pic.twitter.com/VWJVpl3BbL
‘ Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) April 24, 2016
As I’m watching the RIO Olympics, I’m seeing a lot of buildings that were destroyed in FAST FIVE. I’m glad they rebuilt the city.
‘ SEAN O’CONNOR (@seanoconnz) August 6, 2016
Can we spice up swimming at the Olympics a little by having someone's fat dad swimming in one lane?
‘ Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) August 9, 2016
Michael Phelps now has more gold medals than there are episodes of Freaks and Geeks.
‘ Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) August 8, 2016
What if bc of the Olympics it's super in to have gymnasts' powder on your legs this summer. Just a few poofs of it.
‘ Kassia (@kassiamiller) June 5, 2016
OLYMPICS ANNOUNCER: We now go to Men's Fencing…
*cut to guy in overalls installing a chain link fence*
FENCE GUY: [looking at camera] What‘ pat tobin (@tastefactory) August 8, 2016
Fears of the Zika virus will probably keep me from watching the Olympic men ‘s tennis doubles.
‘ Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) July 8, 2016
I love the Olympics, but missing Dateline due to the Olympics sucks. One of these athletes better end up being a serial killer or something.
‘ Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) August 6, 2016
watching Olympic PingPong and the guy's faces all have the same dull look that says, “Its too late for me to be this good at something else”
‘ Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) August 7, 2016
“What was it like swimming in the Olympics?” — Ryan Seacrest, who made $5 million for asking this question
‘ Brian Gaar (@briangaar) August 8, 2016
Please, I only throw shade recreationally. It was my grandpapa, Alistair Bancroft IV, who was a professional shade hurler in the 32 olympics
‘ Hippo (@InternetHippo) June 4, 2016
STOP oversexualizing these #Rio2016 athletes! They're just NORMAL people in peak physical & mental condition w/ accents oh god I'm gonna cum
‘ Achilles Stamatelaky (@astamate) August 9, 2016
Synchronized diving is the Olympic sport that is most easily traced to childhood, right? “And then and then we go like this and like this”
‘ Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) August 9, 2016
Women's floor routines in gymnastics:
1) Do the hardest tricks on Earth
2) Act like a gay toddler at recess pic.twitter.com/ky4imqsrko‘ Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) August 8, 2016
Switched from Olympics to TINY HOUSE HUNTERS and am wish it was gymnasts buying houses
‘ Richard Lawson (@rilaws) August 9, 2016
if the olympics had better organisational skills the torch would already be lit and they wouldn't need to run it in at the last minute.
‘ Colley (@JamColley) August 8, 2016
So when countries play hella games it's called the Olympics but when I do it its called “my mother was right about you”
‘ Desus Nice (@desusnice) August 8, 2016
Uh, no thanks, Olympics. Call me when your athletes can clear *real* hurdles like the gender wage gap, or racial profiling. #AscendsToHeaven
‘ todd levin (@toddlevin) August 7, 2016