27 Goodest Tweets We Scrolled Past This Week #48

It's so fucking funny that they remake movies. Remember that movie? People loved that movie. Let's do it again. I'm an artist.

‘ Nip (@juniorshabidoo) August 17, 2016

#fave7films
1) Memento
2) groundhog day
1) Memento
2) groundhog day
1) Memento
2) groundhog day
1) Memento
2) groundhog day
1) Memento

‘ Matt Donaher (@mattdonaher) August 15, 2016

You can replace the words to every Red Hot Chili Peppers song with “Willy Wonka Willy Wonka.”

‘ Brian Boone (@brianbooone) August 18, 2016

Donald Trump is the only person who types the word 'sad' followed by an exclamation point. Is there ever a time when that's necessary? Sad!

‘ Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) August 18, 2016

Usain Bolt being named Usain Bolt is like Michael Phelps being named Charley O'Swimsfast

‘ Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) August 15, 2016

If Trump's Secret Service code name isn't Agent Orange then what's the Secret Service even for.

‘ shauna (@goldengateblond) August 17, 2016

Little Red Riding Hood reboot spoiler alert. pic.twitter.com/rzWdeojsP4

‘ The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) August 16, 2016

Foodporn is a cute name until you accidentally click an NSFW link of a guy fucking a meatball sub

‘ Elle Oh Well (@ElleOhHell) August 16, 2016

I have a terrible feeling that Giuliani is on the verge of forgetting about Dre.

‘ A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) August 15, 2016

BREAKING: Usain Bolt Finishes Dead Last in the Backward Running Event pic.twitter.com/MyqIrtyGV4

‘ dan mentos (@DanMentos) August 15, 2016

Trump's next campaign manager is going to be a Mel Gibson voicemail.

‘ rob delaney (@robdelaney) August 19, 2016

Sorry NBC but a green backdrop is asking for trouble. pic.twitter.com/Ad9ULnDdYh

‘ Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) August 17, 2016

1916: Polio has claimed my legs
2016: I hate that my phone can call people

‘ jonathan (@senderblock23) August 17, 2016

TOUR GUIDE: Joan of Arc died at age 19
ME: u know what other important figure died as a teenager?
TG: *rolls eyes* Harambe?
ME: Harambe, yes

‘ pat tobin (@tastefactory) August 17, 2016

*puts a gun against a magician's back

Me and you are going to get all the quarters, from behind all the ears

‘ obi (@ThaJawn) July 8, 2016

I never eat coins in front of vending machines because I don't want them to fall in love with me.

‘ Noodles (@Dawn_M_) February 29, 2016

Once I saw a muscular teen camp counsellor throwing kids around in a pool mistakenly grab a little old man and toss him too.

‘ Ceej (@ceejoyner) August 16, 2016

If you want your dog to take a pill:

1. Get a piece of cheese

2. Eat the cheese for energy

3. Get ready to wrestle your dog

‘ Maz Dylan Ash (@mynameisntdave) August 17, 2016

tween (explaining seriously): its called “family” because ur not my “fam” unless “ily.”
me (nodding and thinking about a donut) I see.

‘ Ariana Lenarsky (@aardvarsk) August 14, 2016

Technically, it's only cannibalism if you eat the top half of the mermaid, your honour.

‘ Living Marble (@living_marble) August 16, 2016

“Please stop calling me Beef Wizard” – my coworker Beef Wizard

‘ JP Lovecraft (@online_shawn) August 16, 2016

[perusing bank statement]
DAD: did u spend $90 on something called “christina aguilera masterclass”
ME: no no nnooOOOO WHOA WHOAAAAH ?

‘ dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) August 16, 2016

one of the most embarrassing things you can do is pursue your dreams

‘ Zo ‘ Klar (@zoeklar) August 17, 2016

And is there a *Mrs.* Mr. Robot?

‘ John Howell Harris (@jhowellharris) August 5, 2016

The problem with quitting sugar is now I can hear everyone breathing real loud

‘ Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) August 10, 2016

Spielberg missed a great opportunity when he didn't put FIN at the end of Jaws.

‘ Julian McCullough (@julezmac) August 18, 2016