By: Ben Wietmarschen
Students not physically writing unless their parents are holding the pencil with them
Millennials ‘ have been writing exclusively by keyboard practically since they exited the womb. As a result,the days of teaching cursive, giving penmanship grades, or even simply taking paper and pencil tests have vanished ‘unless these kids ‘ helicopter parents are there to wrap their wrinkled-but-trained, Gen-X hands around the student ‘s hand and guide them through actually drawing out letters to make words. It ‘s especially sad because these parents are so afraid of their children hating them that they ‘ll abandon writing notes and instead doodle penises and tits for their kids ‘ enjoyment.
Boys drilling holes from their locker room to the girl ‘s locker room and using it to ask the girls if they need more tampons
I mean, listen: If you ‘re expecting boys and girls who are caught up in the throws of puberty to not step over the line once in a while, then you ‘re just not living in reality. BUT, these millennials are 1.) Destroying school property. That ‘s tax dollars! And 2.) Adolescent boys ‘hell adolescent girls too! ‘SHOULD be petrified to even say the WORD ‘tampon ‘ in public, let alone drill a hole in a wall, ask a girl if she needs a tampon, go to the store and buy the tampon, return and pass a tampon through the hole in the wall to the girl in need. And the girls like it! School administrators MUST step in!
Pissing under the bleachers
I don ‘t even think this is generational, it ‘s just sick. They MUST smell it, it smells like piss!
Reading porno magazines during class by hiding them behind their iPads
It ‘s sick. Horny students will often ignore a teacher ‘s entire lecture in favor of looking at nudes in a porno magazine and the teacher is none the wiser because they are hiding it behind the iPad tablet that their textbook is stored on. Not only does it distract the owner of the porno mag but you know he can ‘t help but show his buddies what a pair of glossy printed ta-ta ‘s look like. Pretty soon the whole back row is whistling and snickering and from the teacher ‘s perspective they ‘re just looking at their Euro History lesson on their school issued tablets.
Wearing high tube socks and thinking they look cool
This one baffles me to no end. Sock fashion has remained steady for multiple generations and tube socks pulled up as far as they go is the definition of Urkel-level dork-dom. But millennials are proudly wearing tube socks pulled up toward the heaven ‘s and actually thinking they look good! They should be ashamed of their socks and only buy ‘no shows ‘ or quarter length Nike Swoosh emblazoned anklets like actual cool kids.
Cool kids CYBER-bullying the geeks
What has the world come to when cool kids ‘you know, your Bryce ‘s, Ambers, and Lexi ‘s ‘are abandoning classic, tried and true bullying methods like homophobic slurs for boys, spreading rumors about how an unpopular girl is a slut, and straightforward beatings to LOG ON and HACK there way into shaming a nerd, geek, or dweeby schlong-head ‘you know, your Travises, Leroy ‘s, and Deborah ‘s. Lord knows what the cool kids are doing on their computers, they never let me look. But I ‘m angry about it and, honestly, I want in ‘
Illustrations By ComedyArtwork.com