By: Jason Flowers
No headphone jack?
A new set of stupid things you have to shove in your eyes and are almost guaranteed to lose instantly?
Apple ‘s latest announcements certainly have people talking.
*secret iPhone team meeting*
“When we kill the headphone jack, women will lose their earbuds constantly and be forced to talk to us.”
‘ Kashana (@kashanacauley) September 7, 2016
There's no way these are features people were asking for pic.twitter.com/PA0EJycfFP
‘ Homme DeCor (@corypalmer) September 7, 2016
Does the new iPhone have Pokemon Go? LOL remember when we were all obsessed with that? Anyway, I've been thinking about death a lot lately.
‘ Dan Ozzi (@danozzi) September 7, 2016
Apple is iterating not innovating. iPhone 7 should be shaped like a rod or three floating orbs or a memory of your friend Greg.
‘ John Moe (@johnmoe) September 7, 2016
‘ shauna (@goldengateblond) September 7, 2016
The iPhone 7 is fully submergible, I can finally waterboard Siri!
‘ Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) September 7, 2016
but is my soul black or JET BLACK damn apple is really making me question how deep the abyss of my personality is with this phone
‘ Daniel Howell (@danielhowell) September 7, 2016
new iphone available in many colors including bloody pee, regular pee, and silver pic.twitter.com/nLCy9RdBED
‘ Eli Yudin (@eliyudin) September 7, 2016
The iPhone 7 is waterproof so that your tears from crying over the loss of a headphone jack won ‘t damage it.
‘ ??? Jony Ive (@JonyIveParody) September 7, 2016
If you get airpods, what cords are ghosts going to tangle when you're sleeping??
‘ kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) September 7, 2016
there is no way in hell i won ‘t accidentally swallow these headphones somehow pic.twitter.com/oPLPGNimFj
‘ pilot! (@pilotbacon) September 7, 2016
I ‘m old enough to remember when Apple ‘s branding was based pretty much 100% on headphone wires pic.twitter.com/DBgruXjOcT
‘ Aaron Wiener (@aaronwiener) September 7, 2016
Skullcandy headquarters right now pic.twitter.com/2KaSQ5WRjj
‘ PAPPADEMAS (@PAPPADEMAS) September 7, 2016
A lot of people care about headphone jacks. Not me. I care about [hurriedly googles “issues politic”] estate tax and [squinting] sovereignty
‘ Tyler Schmall (@tylerschmall) September 7, 2016
It is homophobic if Apple doesn't point out that wireless earbuds are a great way to feel like Janet Jackson on tour.
‘ Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) September 7, 2016
hi evreybody a good hack for never losing ur new apple airpods is to tie them both to a long string & then tie that string aroumd ur phone!!
‘ jomny sun (@jonnysun) September 7, 2016
Finally, a Super Mario game for iOS pic.twitter.com/kXzJp4Bctj
‘ Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) September 7, 2016
the only apple port I care about is the one that connects this granny smith to my tum tum
‘ HOT DOG HELL 2018 ??? (@sexyfacts4u) September 7, 2016
me: have u seen The Wire
u: no they don't have a wire, they're the new iphone earbuds
me: can't believe I was just out-pretentioused
‘ Here For It (@NotRubHarass) September 7, 2016
Users: Hey blah blah we want blah blah
Apple: *is a corporation*
Apple: *not a person*
‘ I hope Stephen Sondheim is having a good day (@GraceSpelman) September 7, 2016
Sia: ? I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight! ?
Apple: New headphones $159
‘ T. Kyle (@tkylemac) September 7, 2016
me: ok guys the apple tweets are getting old
harambe: I agree
‘ dan mentos (@DanMentos) September 7, 2016
Apple make new Friend today. Me want new Friend always. Me no need headphone. Just need Friend.
‘ Will Hines (@willhines) September 7, 2016
Call me when a new iPhone can suck my dick
‘ Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) September 7, 2016