By: Dashiell Driscoll
Let me just say I. LOVE. SULLY! Loooove. I love the movie, love the pilot, love the blue monster from that other movie. I even love the broad from the X-Files because her name reminds me of Sully. And for the first time in my career as a film producer, I have NO notes! Except for the following notes.
First of all, I noticed Sully wasn ‘t up the night before doing cocaine and banging a hot stewardess. Darn, didn ‘t mean to use that word! It ‘s 2016. Making love to a hot stewardess. Was that on purpose? Seems like kind of a glaring whoopsie daisy. I think the audience would really enjoy seeing that. It ‘s fun and people like fun things.
Also, why didn ‘t Sully slam two tiny bottles of vodka right before flying? Have you ever been on an airplane and slammed two tiny bottles of vodka? It ‘s fantastic. Again, let ‘s try and have some fun! It ‘s called SHOW business, Clint! Not BUMMER town.
And what was up with the plane? It never flips upside down. I think the butts in the seats would have a blast seeing Sully flip the plane upside down. We ‘re trying to put butts in the seats, friend! I know empty chairs are kind of your thing, but I ‘ve got two kids in private high school and their Mercedes needs a bath! Mercedes is the name of their Hispanic maid.
Lastly, Sully should be a handsome black guy. Double darn, didn ‘t mean to use THAT word! It ‘s 2016. Handsome African-American black guy. And maybe he ‘s also a corrupt cop who drives around Los Angeles in a cool car? But he ‘s also a wrongfully imprisoned boxer? And he got game? And he collects so many bones it gives him d ‘j ‘ vu? I ‘m just spitballing here but I think all this stuff adds up to fun which adds up to box office bucks which adds up to money in my checking account which is the only thing I give a shit about in my listless march through terrestrial existence.
Keep on rocking in the free world, you crazy old cook! Let ‘s get together soon and crack the lid off a Corona! Corona is the name of my Hispanic butler.
CEO of Hollywood