By: Jason Flowers
This week ‘s tweets were custom-designed to make your life easier.
Prehistoric man had to walk miles each day to find food & I need to wear a bracelet that buzzes to tell me to stand up, progress is amazing.
‘ Sarah (@thetigersez) September 8, 2016
I'm only on Facebook to see people from high school devote their lives to pyramid schemes.
‘ Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) September 8, 2016
when apps insist on using inappropriately cutesy language to alert users of trending topics: 2016 pic.twitter.com/U9tdSTxqRK
‘ Sally Rooney (@sallyrooney) September 4, 2016
The 5 People you meet in heaven:
haha damn you're in Gary Heaven by mistake
‘ Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) September 6, 2016
How do we know dogs are chasing their tails and not running from their heads?
‘ JasonLastname (@JasonLastname) August 30, 2016
I think they invented sports so that men could have a socially-appropriate avenue to hug.
‘ Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) September 7, 2016
now this is a video game i can get behind pic.twitter.com/PETrbVJI9s
‘ bailey (@bigrigbails) September 4, 2016
I add to the friend group in that I prefer sitting on floors than couches.
‘ shelby fero (@shelbyfero) September 5, 2016
….. did I fuck Joe Biden? pic.twitter.com/kyvNK6i4UP
‘ erin “nickname tk ‘ ryan (@morninggloria) September 9, 2016
Wife: I'm pregnant
Me [realising I'm about to be a dad & thinking of all the sacrifices & adjustments I'll have to make]: hi pregnant
‘ David Hughes (@david8hughes) September 8, 2016
i even piss improv :))))))))) pic.twitter.com/LQ3KMPHYzY
‘ jamie loftus (@hamburgerphone) September 9, 2016
On his new album, I hope Pitbull advises us to party.
‘ Mike Scully (@scullymike) September 5, 2016
Guy: [walks into store smoking]
Clerk: Hey buddy, read the sign
Guy: It says “Dance like no-one's watching”
Clerk: I'm waiting
‘ Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) September 8, 2016
HOW TO WEAR A HAT
– Put on hat
– Ask others if they like your hat
– Listen to the hat
– Do as it commands
– Hide the evidence
– Hide the hat
‘ Operators Manual (@manual_txt) September 3, 2016
RIDDLE: Shrek is green and Bart is yellow. Put them together for this curious blue fellow! ANSWER: Genie from Aladdin
‘ Dave Ferguson (@DaveTheFerg) September 2, 2016
I wish you were a real boy
Pinocchio *begins to sing & dance around*
[3 hrs later]
Geppetto: This was a mistake
‘ spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) September 6, 2016
Cupid is by far the most widely celebrated pervert baby
‘ Tom Cashman (@_tomcashman) September 7, 2016
“Are you serious?”
“I'm as serious as Mr. Robot takes itself.”
‘ Sam Means (@stmeans) September 3, 2016
The very worst kind of math pic.twitter.com/I8TffSJ4ZW
‘ Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) September 9, 2016
Biggie Smalls had literally zero raps about smoothies or dog parks. I'm starting to think he wasn't even from Brooklyn.
‘ Langston Kerman (@LangstonKerman) September 4, 2016
we tend to look past the fact the happy birthday song was probably written by someone who forgot a gift & came up with that song on the spot
‘ EJ Gomez (@EJGomez) September 6, 2016
Wow, Leslie Knope’s origin story is UNREAL pic.twitter.com/52ho1WWY7z
‘ Erin Ruberry (@erinruberry) September 6, 2016
simpsons porn hasn't really made me cum in like ten years
‘ guterman (@danguterman) September 8, 2016
As registration for the Golden Hot Dog Invitational continues, we meet the rest of the competitors: Ron Jr., aka “The Legacy” (Armen Weitzman), accompanied by his father, Ron “The Legend” Wilton (Ron Lynch), and the sinister and mysterious Baron (Matt Besser). Watch the competitors fitting in last-minute training as well as undergoing psychological preparation with the legendary Dr. Hot Dog (Eddie Pepitone). Written and produced by Michael Busch. Starring Matt Besser, Michael Busch, Jeff Sloniker, Armen Weitzman, Ron Lynch, Miki Ann Maddox, Nikki Glaser, Ryan Perez, DeMorge Brown, Jeff Davis, Eddie Pepitone, Dave Anthony. Directed by Peter Attencio. The Quest for the Golden Hot Dog is a 60Frames original series. For more information, please visit us at http://www.60frames.com