By: Jason Flowers
27 Goodest Tweets We Scrolled Past This Week #51
This week ‘s tweets were custom-designed to make your life easier.
Prehistoric man had to walk miles each day to find food & I need to wear a bracelet that buzzes to tell me to stand up, progress is amazing.
‘ Sarah (@thetigersez) September 8, 2016
I'm only on Facebook to see people from high school devote their lives to pyramid schemes.
‘ Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) September 8, 2016
when apps insist on using inappropriately cutesy language to alert users of trending topics: 2016 pic.twitter.com/U9tdSTxqRK
‘ Sally Rooney (@sallyrooney) September 4, 2016
The 5 People you meet in heaven:
haha damn you're in Gary Heaven by mistake
‘ Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) September 6, 2016
How do we know dogs are chasing their tails and not running from their heads?
‘ JasonLastname (@JasonLastname) August 30, 2016
I think they invented sports so that men could have a socially-appropriate avenue to hug.
‘ Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) September 7, 2016
now this is a video game i can get behind pic.twitter.com/PETrbVJI9s
‘ bailey (@bigrigbails) September 4, 2016
I add to the friend group in that I prefer sitting on floors than couches.
‘ shelby fero (@shelbyfero) September 5, 2016
….. did I fuck Joe Biden? pic.twitter.com/kyvNK6i4UP
‘ erin “nickname tk ‘ ryan (@morninggloria) September 9, 2016
Wife: I'm pregnant
Me [realising I'm about to be a dad & thinking of all the sacrifices & adjustments I'll have to make]: hi pregnant
‘ David Hughes (@david8hughes) September 8, 2016
i even piss improv :))))))))) pic.twitter.com/LQ3KMPHYzY
‘ jamie loftus (@hamburgerphone) September 9, 2016
On his new album, I hope Pitbull advises us to party.
‘ Mike Scully (@scullymike) September 5, 2016
Guy: [walks into store smoking]
Clerk: Hey buddy, read the sign
Guy: It says “Dance like no-one's watching”
Clerk: I'm waiting
‘ Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) September 8, 2016
HOW TO WEAR A HAT
– Put on hat
– Ask others if they like your hat
– Listen to the hat
– Do as it commands
– Hide the evidence
– Hide the hat
‘ Operators Manual (@manual_txt) September 3, 2016
RIDDLE: Shrek is green and Bart is yellow. Put them together for this curious blue fellow! ANSWER: Genie from Aladdin
‘ Dave Ferguson (@DaveTheFerg) September 2, 2016
I wish you were a real boy
Pinocchio *begins to sing & dance around*
[3 hrs later]
Geppetto: This was a mistake
‘ spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) September 6, 2016
Cupid is by far the most widely celebrated pervert baby
‘ Tom Cashman (@_tomcashman) September 7, 2016
“Are you serious?”
“I'm as serious as Mr. Robot takes itself.”
‘ Sam Means (@stmeans) September 3, 2016
The very worst kind of math pic.twitter.com/I8TffSJ4ZW
‘ Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) September 9, 2016
Biggie Smalls had literally zero raps about smoothies or dog parks. I'm starting to think he wasn't even from Brooklyn.
‘ Langston Kerman (@LangstonKerman) September 4, 2016
we tend to look past the fact the happy birthday song was probably written by someone who forgot a gift & came up with that song on the spot
‘ EJ Gomez (@EJGomez) September 6, 2016
Wow, Leslie Knope’s origin story is UNREAL pic.twitter.com/52ho1WWY7z
‘ Erin Ruberry (@erinruberry) September 6, 2016
simpsons porn hasn't really made me cum in like ten years
‘ guterman (@danguterman) September 8, 2016
Mates Vs. Behind the Scenes: Dance Rehearsal
Four Mates on a mission: to Max every moment… and create a bit of mayhem along the way! Watch the Mates learning their dance moves in this week’s behind the scenes video! Presented by Pepsi Max and Funny or Die! Follow the Mates @Mates_VS and at https://www.facebook.com/MatesVS
Justin Bieber’s Facebook Movie
Facebook’s 10 year “Look Back” video isn’t as promising for the Beebs.
PA’s – Ep. 3 – Parties
Like a fly on the wall, PA’s see EVERYTHING…What would it be like to work on a film set? These guys would know. This time no one has seen Mikey since the day before… hope he’s okay. Like and Subscribe And follow the PA’s on Instagram at… Kevin McKechney https://www.instagram.com/kevmck1005/ Mikey Nau: https://www.twitter.com/mikeynow Corey Powers: https://www.coreypowersmusic.com https://www.instagram.com/corey89/ Like Share Comment Subscribe
A Christmas riddle for 25 days, find me soon or your loved one pays. Happy Holidays from the Trophy Husbands. Check out our NEW website: http://www.trophyhusbandscomedy.com and SUBSCRIBE! Cast Mike – Mike Mildon Old Nick – Jackson Rowe Trevor – Luke Mitchell Crew Directed and Edited by Mike Mildon Written by Mike Mildon and Jon Rende Director of photography by Joshua Natev Riddles by Jackson Rowe, Noah Jackson, and Mike Mildon Additional Camera – Luke Mitchell Boom Operator – Luke Mitchell and Jakob Skryzpa Special thanks to Noah Jackson and Callum Milligan Music Used (Don’t own any of the music, no profit comes from this video, using for entertainment purposes only, all rights belong to the respective owners) Check out their stuff, they are all really talented! Ross Bugden – Something Wicked Karate King – First Girl I Ever Killed Jaunter – Carol of Bells Who Ha – Merry Christmas to Me Wham! – Last Christmas ________ RIP George Michael 🙁 (amazing music by all these guys, check them out and support them!) Like us on other shit: https://www.facebook.com/trophyhusbandscomedy https://www.instagram.com/trophyhusbandscomedy
Stormtrooper Prank WIN
Star Wars + Pranks = WIN Thanks to: youtube.com/sportpost For more FAIL visit http://failblog.org