By: Funny Or Die

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Trump Hasn’t Been Endorsed By A Major Newspaper, But He Does Have These 27 Other Endorsements

So far, Trump has secured zero major newspaper endorsements. That ‘s six fewer than Gary Johnson. Trump supporters shouldn ‘t be discouraged, though, because the Donald was able to earn endorsements from the following entities:

  • The American Association of Unemployed Wall Builders
  • Scott Baio ‘s IMDb Page
  • The Penny Slaver
  • The Shop Rite Weekly Circular ‘s Ground Meat Section
  • Barely Literate Magazine
  • A Can of Meat Grease
  • United Bad Toupee Craftsmen Local 579
  • United Megalomaniacs of America
  • 2 out of 6 Members Of Linkin Park
  • Broke Dads Weekly
  • The Lying Times – All The Lies Fit To Print
  • Start Stop and Frisk Up Again LLC
  • The Palm Beach Troll Journal
  • Rich Men Who Attach a Dollar Bill to Fishing Line, Dangle it in Front of Homeless People, and then Snatch it Away at the Last Minute Email Blast
  • The Huge Tremendous Gazette (available exclusively in Trump Tower toilet stalls)
  • Proud Dads of Computer Whiz Sons Illustrated
  • The Hot Daughters Zine – The Zine For Men With Hot Daughters
  • Binders Full Of Women
  • The Your Racist Uncle Herald
  • The Gristly Remnants of a Vomited Up Trump Steak
  • Basket of Deplorables Gift Shop on Rte. 11 in Kentucky
  • Rich People Who Would Rather Keep Their Money Than Participate In Civil Society Inc.
  • The Orange Men ‘s Club
  • Ham Monthly
  • Stacey Dash ‘s FedEx Guy Who Doesn ‘t Actually Support Trump But Casually Says He Does When She Signs For Packages In Hopes She ‘ll One Day Sleep With Him When He ‘s Delivering A Package In The Middle Of The Day Like One Of Those Porno Setups Where The Delivery Guy Gets Laid Even Though That Never Happens In Real Life A FedEx Guy Can Dream Don ‘t Take This Away From Him It ‘s All He Has
  • Rosie O'Donnell ‘ NOT!

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