By: Keaton Patti

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I ‘m A Fun Flight Attendant, So I ‘m Gonna Rap About This Engine Failure

Hey there passengers, it ‘s me Wayne

The fun rapping flight attendant on this plane

I ‘m the guy from earlier with that sick rhyme

About wearing your seat belts at takeoff time

Most flight attendants just talk and that ‘s real lame

But I ‘m so fun cause I spit plane facts like The Game

Sure, I ‘m white and old, but I got beats

And now I have some news, so get those butts in seats

I don ‘t mean to scare you, but here ‘s the thing

We ‘ve lost power to the engine on the wing

Which wing you ask: the left or the right?

Both of them, my friend. We ‘re basically a kite

Gliding through the air, things look grim

If you have a God, please pray to Him

Or Her, if that ‘s more your style

Just hurry, we plummeted another mile

See those oxygen masks in front of you?

Here is what you ‘re gonna do

Forget about them, thing ‘s couldn ‘t be worse

Without engines, this thing ‘s a flying hearse

Oh, here ‘s the pilot with some news for me

Oh, he just wanted a bottle of whiskey

Well the pilot ‘s getting drunk so we should too

I ‘m truly sorry for the in-flight movie, We Bought A Zoo

I ‘m also sorry the engines are dead

It ‘s not my fault, but I thought that should be said

Please don ‘t think of me as a bully

Best case scenario, this ends up like Sully

We land in the water safe as can be

And all of this gets turned into a Tom Hanks movie

[screaming woman solo for 4 measures]

Calm down, ma ‘am, it isn ‘t so bad

At least you ‘re here with your dad

What? That ‘s your husband? Sorry about that

Look! We stopped nosediving! We ‘re now flying flat!

The engines seem to be back online

The co-pilot ‘s Mormon, so he didn ‘t drink and can fly just fine

Looks like we ‘re all gonna live and things will be groovy

But, again, really sorry for that terrible We Bought A Zoo movie

That film fucking sucks

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