By: Keaton Patti
I ‘m A Fun Flight Attendant, So I ‘m Gonna Rap About This Engine Failure

Hey there passengers, it ‘s me Wayne
The fun rapping flight attendant on this plane
I ‘m the guy from earlier with that sick rhyme
About wearing your seat belts at takeoff time
Most flight attendants just talk and that ‘s real lame
But I ‘m so fun cause I spit plane facts like The Game
Sure, I ‘m white and old, but I got beats
And now I have some news, so get those butts in seats
I don ‘t mean to scare you, but here ‘s the thing
We ‘ve lost power to the engine on the wing
Which wing you ask: the left or the right?
Both of them, my friend. We ‘re basically a kite
Gliding through the air, things look grim
If you have a God, please pray to Him
Or Her, if that ‘s more your style
Just hurry, we plummeted another mile
See those oxygen masks in front of you?
Here is what you ‘re gonna do
Forget about them, thing ‘s couldn ‘t be worse
Without engines, this thing ‘s a flying hearse
Oh, here ‘s the pilot with some news for me
Oh, he just wanted a bottle of whiskey
Well the pilot ‘s getting drunk so we should too
I ‘m truly sorry for the in-flight movie, We Bought A Zoo
I ‘m also sorry the engines are dead
It ‘s not my fault, but I thought that should be said
Please don ‘t think of me as a bully
Best case scenario, this ends up like Sully
We land in the water safe as can be
And all of this gets turned into a Tom Hanks movie
[screaming woman solo for 4 measures]
Calm down, ma ‘am, it isn ‘t so bad
At least you ‘re here with your dad
What? That ‘s your husband? Sorry about that
Look! We stopped nosediving! We ‘re now flying flat!
The engines seem to be back online
The co-pilot ‘s Mormon, so he didn ‘t drink and can fly just fine
Looks like we ‘re all gonna live and things will be groovy
But, again, really sorry for that terrible We Bought A Zoo movie
That film fucking sucks