By: Alex Pearson

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6 Other Things Paul Ryan Will No Longer Defend

As you may have heard, Paul Ryan announced this week that he is no longer defending Donald Trump. Here are a few more things that he vowed never to defend.

Double Dipping

‘Guys, it ‘s gross, but I accept we are at a point that we can ‘t eliminate it. My time is better spent improving group get-togethers in other ways. ‘

Using Your Phone at the Movies

‘Not worth it. Almost everyone probably shares some blame for the culture that allowed this to thrive, but I won ‘t be cornered into having to try to argue its merits. ‘

Changing Your Password Like Every Month

‘Annoying. Unavoidable. My job would be easier without it. Nothing I can do to make it go away. Just the kind of thing I need to never waste my time defending. ‘

Unnecessary Movie Remakes

‘Seems like no matter how low they stoop, some people just won ‘t stop supporting them. Count me out. ‘

That New iPhone Without a Headphone Jack

‘How did we allow it to come to this? This thing is out of control. To be fair, the competition does have a pretty big explosion scandal. Still, no one is going to make me speak out in favor of it. ‘

Wet Socks

‘Not sure why I ever would ever have to defend something as disgusting as wearing wet socks, but then again, I ‘ve been pressured on to justify worse. ‘

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