What’s On Those ‘The Apprentice’ Tapes?

Opponents of Trump are asking for the release of unaired footage from The Apprentice, which insiders have said contain even more damning footage of Trump behaving poorly. What could possibly be on those tapes that is worse than what we ‘ve already seen and heard? We have some theories.

Trump with a lightsaber in a garage.

That old lady doing “Rapper ‘s Delight. ‘

Repeated use of the horrifying, little-known, “Z-word. ‘

Lots of street-level shots of Trump skateboarding.

Trump motorboating two pumpkins.

Night vision footage of Trump staring directly into the camera while everyone else sleeps.

Trump practicing saying the word “pussy ‘ over and over in the bathroom mirror.

An extra 5 minutes from the last episode of The Sopranos.

Trump coming up with the idea for Jar Jar Binks.

Probably more bragging about sexual assault, right?

So much sniffling.