23 Tweets About Marijuana That We’re Gonna Need You To Read By The End Of The Day

Don't really smoke weed but I assume a “body high” is similar to the feeling one gets watching a Nancy Meyers movie.

‘ DC Pierson (@DCpierson) March 8, 2016

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Marijuana is the gateway drug to taking 45 minutes to pick out which color Gatorade you want to buy.

‘ elizabeth williams (@Elizasoul80) April 26, 2016

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Your election year porn name is the street you grew up on & the policy you wish your state had. I’m Thrush Legal Weed.

‘ Kashana (@kashanacauley) July 30, 2016

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*walks up to grocery clerk*
I would like to buy this marijuana
‘Sir, that ‘s broccoli ‘
*whispers really loud*
It ‘s okay I ‘m not a cop

‘ Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) May 18, 2016

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Some people say marijuana makes you dumb, but I smoke all the time and my IQ is 420.

‘ Tig Notaro (@TigNotaro) May 9, 2016

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Hell yea I'll have a joint. A joint session of Congress to make marijuana illegal

‘ Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) April 20, 2016

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Smoke all my weed once fool me once
Smoke all my weed twice fool me twice
Smoke all my weed three times fool me 3 times

‘ Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) January 21, 2016

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Mufasa: Everything the light touches is our kingdom.
Simba: What about the shadowy place?
Mufasa: That's where the cool kids smoke weed.

‘ OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 4, 2016

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one of my favorite bob marley songs is the one that goes: [in bob marley voice] ” great news! got me some marijuana! love that stuff!”

‘ larry crappleton (@Karate_Horse) March 15, 2016

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people who say dogs are loyal obviously never met my pug Jerome who got himself a new weed dealer on the other side of town

‘ Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) September 25, 2016

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Maybe cats can smell weed just as well as dogs, they're just not FUCKING NARCS.

‘ Chelsea Davison (@chelsea_davison) August 30, 2016

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ive never been high on weed, i only smoke pot bitch

‘ goth turtle (@dubstep4dads) August 19, 2016

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Doctor: are you an active marijuana user?

Me: not really, I usually just sit on the couch and play video games

‘ DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) August 23, 2016

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All I need in this life of sin is my weed and my baby wipes

‘ gabrus (@Gabrus) July 28, 2016

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Is the media covering the election well? Here to discuss is a Klan member and a large bag of weed.

‘ Alex Baze (@bazecraze) September 5, 2016

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[my wife & i catch our son smoking weed]
ME: i'll talk to him
[wife walks away]
ME: we're very disa ‘ok shes gone. when did u get so fkn cool

‘ Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) August 17, 2016

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Me: If male twins & female twins from separate families procreate will their kids look the same?

Guy: I can't sell you anymore weed.

‘ Mike Primavera (@primawesome) August 10, 2016

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Nate Dogg sang “Smoke weed every day,” and now he's dead. Maybe that will teach us a thing or two about the dangers of singing

‘ Online Participant (@SortaBad) October 17, 2016

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[trial]

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: The accused had $74,088,000 worth of marijuana

JUDGE: Is that a lot?

DA: It's 420 cubed

JUDGE: Holy Sh-

‘ Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) May 28, 2016

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It's funny when tough dudes brag about how much they love weed cause that's just admitting “My main hobby has to do with my feelings”

‘ Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) February 24, 2016

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Study finds years of marijuana use can damage your verbal short-term ‘verbal ‘you know, your ability to retrieve, to, that is, recall words or

‘ Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) February 2, 2016

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me: we named you after things i gave up when we got married
weed: oh now i get it
golf: yeah that seems obvious now
BJ: i still dont get it

‘ k e e t (@KeetPotato) February 18, 2016

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“Can I buy some marijuana?”

Sorry. That's illegal.

“Ok then I'll just take 7 assault rifles, and 4 bazookas.”

‘ Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) January 15, 2016