By: Jason Flowers
23 Tweets About Marijuana That We’re Gonna Need You To Read By The End Of The Day
Be careful not to take too much of these tweets at once.
Don't really smoke weed but I assume a “body high” is similar to the feeling one gets watching a Nancy Meyers movie.
‘ DC Pierson (@DCpierson) March 8, 2016
Marijuana is the gateway drug to taking 45 minutes to pick out which color Gatorade you want to buy.
‘ elizabeth williams (@Elizasoul80) April 26, 2016
Your election year porn name is the street you grew up on & the policy you wish your state had. I’m Thrush Legal Weed.
‘ Kashana (@kashanacauley) July 30, 2016
*walks up to grocery clerk*
I would like to buy this marijuana
‘Sir, that ‘s broccoli ‘
*whispers really loud*
It ‘s okay I ‘m not a cop
‘ Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) May 18, 2016
Some people say marijuana makes you dumb, but I smoke all the time and my IQ is 420.
‘ Tig Notaro (@TigNotaro) May 9, 2016
Hell yea I'll have a joint. A joint session of Congress to make marijuana illegal
‘ Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) April 20, 2016
Smoke all my weed once fool me once
Smoke all my weed twice fool me twice
Smoke all my weed three times fool me 3 times
‘ Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) January 21, 2016
Mufasa: Everything the light touches is our kingdom.
Simba: What about the shadowy place?
Mufasa: That's where the cool kids smoke weed.
‘ OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 4, 2016
one of my favorite bob marley songs is the one that goes: [in bob marley voice] ” great news! got me some marijuana! love that stuff!”
‘ larry crappleton (@Karate_Horse) March 15, 2016
people who say dogs are loyal obviously never met my pug Jerome who got himself a new weed dealer on the other side of town
‘ Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) September 25, 2016
Maybe cats can smell weed just as well as dogs, they're just not FUCKING NARCS.
‘ Chelsea Davison (@chelsea_davison) August 30, 2016
ive never been high on weed, i only smoke pot bitch
‘ goth turtle (@dubstep4dads) August 19, 2016
Doctor: are you an active marijuana user?
Me: not really, I usually just sit on the couch and play video games
‘ DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) August 23, 2016
All I need in this life of sin is my weed and my baby wipes
‘ gabrus (@Gabrus) July 28, 2016
Is the media covering the election well? Here to discuss is a Klan member and a large bag of weed.
‘ Alex Baze (@bazecraze) September 5, 2016
[my wife & i catch our son smoking weed]
ME: i'll talk to him
[wife walks away]
ME: we're very disa ‘ok shes gone. when did u get so fkn cool
‘ Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) August 17, 2016
Me: If male twins & female twins from separate families procreate will their kids look the same?
Guy: I can't sell you anymore weed.
‘ Mike Primavera (@primawesome) August 10, 2016
Nate Dogg sang “Smoke weed every day,” and now he's dead. Maybe that will teach us a thing or two about the dangers of singing
‘ Online Participant (@SortaBad) October 17, 2016
DISTRICT ATTORNEY: The accused had $74,088,000 worth of marijuana
JUDGE: Is that a lot?
DA: It's 420 cubed
JUDGE: Holy Sh-
‘ Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) May 28, 2016
It's funny when tough dudes brag about how much they love weed cause that's just admitting “My main hobby has to do with my feelings”
‘ Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) February 24, 2016
Study finds years of marijuana use can damage your verbal short-term ‘verbal ‘you know, your ability to retrieve, to, that is, recall words or
‘ Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) February 2, 2016
me: we named you after things i gave up when we got married
weed: oh now i get it
golf: yeah that seems obvious now
BJ: i still dont get it
‘ k e e t (@KeetPotato) February 18, 2016
“Can I buy some marijuana?”
Sorry. That's illegal.
“Ok then I'll just take 7 assault rifles, and 4 bazookas.”
‘ Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) January 15, 2016
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