By: Ryan Haney

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See What The Townspeople Are Saying About The Emperor’s New Vape

The Emperor has a new vape! It ‘s a vey cool vape and only the Emperor ‘s smartest and dankest subjects can see it. Can ‘t you see it? It ‘s right there! The Emperor is holding it in his hands and vaping right now!

The Baker can see the Emperor ‘s vape

‘I can absolutely see the Emperor ‘s vape, ‘ said the Baker. ‘It ‘s, uh- it ‘s so big! Yes! It ‘s big enough that the Emperor can smoke up a bunch of his buddies at a party without re-packing it over and over and, like, killing the vibe. ‘

The Fisherman can see the Emperor ‘s vape

‘But the Emperor ‘s vape isn ‘t, em, too big, ‘ said the Fisherman. ‘I got a good look at it just now and it ‘s still, like, small enough that the Emperor could carry it around in his pocket if he, like, just wanted to walk around and toke up a little bit. ‘

The Doctor can see the Emperor ‘s vape

‘And the Emperor ‘s vape has so many settings, ‘ said the Doctor. ‘My word, there ‘s so many. There ‘s, eh, low. And of course there ‘s, er, medium. And then comes, uh, hot? And after that it ‘s, you know, really, really hot? ‘

The General can see the Emperor ‘s vape

‘Because the Emperor ‘s vape can vape so many different things, ‘ said the General. ‘Like weed. And hash. And oil- probably. And I think it can do ‘ what ‘s it called? Tack? Yes ‘ I could just make out the slot where the Emperor can put in the tock- I mean tack!

The Inn Keeper can see the Emperor ‘s vape

‘If I were the Emperor, I ‘d never take that vape outside, ‘ said the Inn Keeper. ‘Right everyone? And risk breaking all that ‘ gorgeous ‘ handmade ‘ glasswork? Of a ‘ spider? Eating a ‘ snake? If I were the Emperor, I wouldn ‘t ever want to stop being able to see exactly what I ‘m definitely seeing right now. ‘

The Butcher can see the Emperor ‘s vape

‘Yes! ‘ said the Butcher. ‘I very clearly saw the Emperor ‘s vape just like everyone else and it was totally a glass sculpture of a spider eating a snake. But don ‘t forget about the – oh boy – lights? The way they glow ‘ and, geez, I mean, the way they ‘ change color. And whaddyacall it ‘ pulse? They ‘re good for when the Emperor wants to see what he ‘s vaping but also they ‘re good for, uh, looking at. When you ‘re, uh, all, you know, ‘cooched up. ‘ Anyway, sorry I can ‘t say more about the rest of the Emperor ‘s vape. I was mostly just checking out the, you know, very cool, very, uh, dank lights. ‘

The Priest can see the Emperor ‘s vape

‘Along with the other very dank members of the kingdom, I saw the Emperor ‘s vape lights, ‘ said the Priest. ‘And I also – buh-buh-buhhh. Hmm. Thought I ‘d be better prepared by the time it got to me. I had so much time to think of some- heard! I heard the vape ‘s, um, song! Yeah! How about that? If it ‘s go lights you can see, it ‘s gotta have a song you can here, right! So ‘ yeah! I heard it. And it was really beautiful. It was, um, ‘Sweet Child Of Mine ‘ but the words are all different. It was like ‘Woah woah woah wo-ah. Vape to the sky! ‘ Yeah. That ‘s the song the vape sings every time the Emperor, you know, vapes ‘ with it. ‘

The Florist can see the Emperor ‘s vape

‘And the Emperor ‘s vape vapes so well, ‘ said the Florist. ‘As one of the dankest members of the kingdom, I should know. It pulls, like, smooth. But it still makes a lot of smoke. But, you know, good smoke. Smoke that ‘s not, um, like, hot and like ‘egh! ‘ Smoke that ‘s like ‘yum! ‘ So you get a good, uh, body high? But also a head high. I, uh, can ‘t say which there ‘s more of. Honestly, it ‘s a good mix of both. I mean, that ‘s my opinion as some who can definitely see the Emperor ‘s new vape and for sure knows a lot about vaping. ‘

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