31 Tweets About Halloween That We’re Gonna Need You To Read By The End Of The Day

QUICK N EASY COUPLES' HALLOWEEN COSTUME: dig up a corpse and pretend you're dating it

‘ Eli Yudin (@eliyudin) October 12, 2016

Do ye children dare to trick or treat mine own house? Perhaps these false cobwebs will dissuade you. A gasp! They seem only to entice you.

‘ Daniel Spenser (@DanSpenser) October 15, 2016

Oh hell yeah, a super elaborate father-daughter halloween costume! I'm sure this was the little girls idea

‘ Nick Wiger (@nickwiger) October 19, 2016

My daughter just said she wants to be My House for Halloween. Not Flo Rida. She wants to be *the song* My House.

‘ Michael Cruz Kayne (@MJCKayne) September 28, 2016

if you're in seattle and you drive by my house prepare for the fright of your life pic.twitter.com/xTp3ucjjtw

‘ supermoof (@supermoof) October 16, 2016

If any kids find razor blades in their Halloween candy I will take them because they're very expensive.

‘ Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) October 20, 2016

Halloween is fun, because haha, I'm a monster pretending I'm not a monster pretending I'm a different monster.

‘ guterman (@danguterman) October 13, 2016

My friend's kid asked what I was gonna be for Halloween and I said “sad,” and she asked “from the movie Inside Out?” so I lied and said yes.

‘ Sarah (@thetigersez) October 22, 2016

U can give out anything on Halloween it doesn't have to be candy last year I gave a kid my cable bill it was awesome he paid it & everything

‘ Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) October 10, 2016

An app that warns you if an adult is way too into Halloween.

‘ Tim Siedell (@badbanana) October 1, 2016

why pay $40 for a haunted house when ur own home is alredy thick with failed dreams and crushing expectations and u alredy pay rent for that

‘ jomny sun (@jonnysun) October 19, 2016

To really terrify people this Halloween, wear a magazine rack and go as their issues.

‘ shauna (@goldengateblond) October 24, 2016

Fun fact: If you own over three light-up pumpkin brooches, you automatically become a middle school guidance counselor named Mrs. Erlich

‘ Jen Spyra (@jenspyra) October 18, 2016

For Halloween this year I'm going as a fatter version of myself last year.

‘ mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 12, 2016

What's a good Halloween costume that doesn't require makeup and isn't uncomfortable and is my regular clothes?

‘ Alex Baze (@bazecraze) October 19, 2016

Halloween is just another day if you were born a sexy pirate.

‘ Mike Primavera (@primawesome) October 23, 2016

One time I wore my brother's t-shirt, and my dad asked if I was dressing up as his favorite child for Halloween.

‘ Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) October 20, 2016

Cannot decide my Halloween garb. Torn between “the collapse of the free world” and Sexy Croc ‘ (the shoe).

‘ Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 18, 2016

Halloween: when restaurants overestimate my desire to have a rubber rat dangle above my head while I eat a caprese salad.

‘ Justin Shanes (@justinshanes) October 15, 2016

If there are eleven Elevens at your Halloween party you get to make a wish.

‘ Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 21, 2016

Terrifying Halloween Costumes:
– Dentist Who Asks If You've Been Flossing
– Child Who Points Out Your Acne In Public
– Ghoul

‘ Avery Monsen (@averymonsen) October 18, 2016

It's been eight years and Lady Gaga still sounds like the manager of a Halloween store coming over the intercom to announce a spooky sale.

‘ Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) October 19, 2016

The spookiest thing in this Halloween store is that it still has the Blockbuster Video carpeting.

‘ Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) October 22, 2016

one thing i love about halloween is all the “boos” !!!

i am addicted to alcohol and i need help

‘ miel (@miel) October 22, 2016