By: Shelby Slauer

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The Parents Television Council Angrily Demands AMC Remove All Zombies From ‘The Walking Dead’

Earlier this week, the Parents Television Council complained that The Walking Dead season 7 premiere went too far with its violence. We were able to obtain a copy of the email where they detailed their specific complaint.

Subject: Um we got a problem with the Walking Dead premier!!!
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2016 8:06 AM

Dear people in charge at AMC,

My name is Tim Winter and I ‘m the President of the Parents Television Council. We feel that last night ‘s season 7 premiere of The Walking Dead went too far. Changes need to be made. Specifically, we ask that you cut out the zombies.

We believe the zombies are the underlying reason for the rampant violence throughout your show. You don ‘t need to actually show graphic and explicit content to show it, you know? You could create nearly the same environment by just simply inserting zombie sound effects off-screen, without including any disturbing images. Then, hypothetically, the bad characters wouldn ‘t have as much reason for murdering the ones we all love and care about.

No, this complaint has nothing to do with the fact that you killed off my favorite character which caused me to cry like a baby in front of my son. This is about adhering to agreed upon TV standards.

Speaking of families, sometimes when I watch The Walking Dead with my son Kevin, I always get too scared whenever there is a zombie on screen and then I look like a big wimp. Even when a zombie is off screen, just those sounds? Ok you know what, I just scared myself thinking about the sounds, so disregard my previous suggestion about just hinting at zombies with sounds. No zombie sound effects. No zombie images or sounds. Deal?

Also, you should just take out all the blood. Seeing fake blood or even thinking about fake blood makes me queasy, and then I faint in front of my son Kevin and he has to call his mother and tell her it happened again, then her new buff boyfriend Trent has to come over and tuck me into bed.

You know what ‘s a good show? Tom & Jerry. Tom & Jerry has violence, but I watch Tom & Jerry, and I don ‘t cry in front of my son. On that show, a good man doesn ‘t get violently clubbed to death in front of his wife, and there are no zombies.

Just to be clear, characters shouldn ‘t even talk about zombies, okay? The entire concept of zombies is just too explicit for cable television. The Walking Dead would be a perfectly fine television show if it were just about a nice dad having a nice time with his son. Throwing a baseball, not getting emasculated constantly. That sort of thing.

Think of other shows or movies that include zombies. Night of the Living Dead, Zombieland, 28 Days Later. Wouldn ‘t those all be better with no zombies? Without zombies, you wouldn ‘t have to watch those movies fast forwarding through the scary parts, which would make for a much more enjoyable movie watching experience for everyone involved.

Okay, let ‘s just say this is about Glenn. Why did Glenn have to die anyway? He had hope. He had a wife. He had a future. To remove zombies from The Walking Dead is to grant freedom to your viewers, instilling faith in their hearts that the world is more than a place intent on ruining our emotional psyches.

You need to take ownership for the fact that choosing to include zombies in your television show The Walking Dead has ruined American families. Specifically, my family.

Fine, I admit it, I ‘m super sad Glenn died srsly not cool bring him back ASAP please Glenn is all I have left please I ‘m begging you I ‘m a broken man.

Tim Winter
President of the Parents Television Council

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