By: Pitch
Topical Wedding Vows

‘Our love is like a strong wall built and paid for by Mexico. ‘
‘On fleekness and in health. ‘
(Leans in during wife ‘s vows) ‘Wrong. ‘
‘I hope we ‘ll never get a Divorce, now on HBO and HBO Go. ‘
‘I will take this nasty woman to be my lawfully wedded deplorable. ‘
‘Till a random act of gun violence do us part. ‘
‘I promise to accept the results of these wedding vows. ‘
‘Black wives matter. ‘
‘Nate Silver forecasts a long and happy marriage. ‘
[Reads Michelle Obama ‘s wedding vows word for word]