By: Keaton Patti

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Best Questions To Ask Your Ouija Board

Is my dad in the spirit world or just ignoring my texts like usual?

What ‘s the WiFi password at this Panera?

Have you seen Lost?
Follow-up: Really?

Is Casper truly a friendly ghost or just like “friendly ‘ to your face, but talks shit about you behind your back?

Are you a hot spirit?
Follow-up:Like a 9 out of 10 or what?
Follow-up: Well, can I talk to any 9 out of 10 spirits?

Why is my Panera order taking so long to make?

Is Casper talking shit about me?
Follow-up: Whoa, do a lot of people not like me?
Follow-up: Why the hell not?

Is that my dad working at this Panera?

Does the spirit world have television?
Follow-up: So why haven ‘t you watched Lost?
Follow-up: Who said it sucked?
Follow-up: Casper ‘s a real asshole, isn ‘t he?

Is Tupac really dead or just ignoring my texts like usual?

My Panera order tastes funny, did someone spit in my sandwich?
Follow-up: Was it my dad?

Is God real, and if so, is God hot? Like at least a 9 out of 10?

When am I going to die?
Follow-up: How?
Follow-up:Who kills me?
Follow-up: Why would my dad do that?
Follow-up: Casper told him to?
Follow-up: Casper fucking sucks.

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