By: Jason Flowers
The internet is a giant garbage dump, but these tweets still love it every part of it.
Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.
Your parents in 2016: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.
‘ Daniel Kibblesmith ?? (@kibblesmith) November 19, 2016
Tonight, I went for a walk with my eighty-year-old neighbor who doesn't get her news from the internet and I felt like a time traveler.
‘ Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 5, 2016
[if people went to prison for reasons my mum thinks]
i drank a beer when i was 17, what you in for?
“i downloaded shrek 2 off the internet”
‘ k e i t h (@KeetPotato) November 25, 2016
why would anyone fight w a stranger on the internet when u can just fight w your spouse in a Golden Corral?
‘ Megan Neuringer (@MeganNeuringer) April 19, 2016
The most hate I’ve ever gotten on the internet was when I spelled twenty one pilots as “21 pilots”
‘ Christine Sydelko (@csydelko) October 17, 2016
Can't spell Internet without “intern who is working for free whilst drowning in college debt”
‘ Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) March 25, 2016
People say the world is bad because you can buy an AK-47 on the internet but where are they looking, like what site because I can't find one
‘ Elle Oh Well (@ElleOhHell) October 28, 2016
Before the Internet, if you wanted to say something disrespectful anonymously to a large group of people, you had to hire a sky writer.
‘ Mike Primavera (@primawesome) July 13, 2016
My son put a Minecraft server called ‘my dad sucks ‘ on the Internet and the police won ‘t arrest him for it
‘ Becky Isotobe (@BuckyIsotope) March 8, 2016
The entire Internet is a giant certificate of participation
‘ Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 25, 2016
AD: Pride and Prejudice
AD: and Zombies
ME: Epic fuck. Sir, you have won the Internet. Bacon. Sriracha. Bill Murray
‘ Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) November 6, 2016
Kids today don ‘t know hardship. When I was a kid times were tough. Everything was the same but the internet was slower
‘ the hippo account (@InternetHippo) June 16, 2016
The internet makes me feel like a kid in a candy store if the candy was mixed in with bits of broken glass and Andy Borowitz headlines.
‘ maura quint (@behindyourback) November 28, 2016
Cause of death: Drowned in all the answers to a rhetorical question she posted on the Internet.
‘ Kashana (@kashanacauley) May 1, 2016
twitter is hell & so is the internet but- consider this: dog pics. pics of dogs. pictures that are… of a dog. dogs that have been pictured
‘ beth mccoll (@imteddybless) October 25, 2016
In my day, we didn ‘t have Internet porn. We had to fashion a Silly Putty penis for He-Man, and make him get dominated by Teela and Evil-Lyn.
‘ REW (@therealeatwood) September 5, 2016
“What do your kids do?”
“My daughter is a doctor and my son is an internet culturista.”
‘ Chris Kelly (@imchriskelly) June 15, 2016
Before the Internet came around I was like a really mediocre Google to some of the neighborhood kids.
‘ Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) March 1, 2016
*if Internet were real life*
*at baby shower*
Me: did y'all finish stranger things? I loved it!
Them: go fuck yourself you piece of shit.
‘ Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) August 28, 2016
It’s the little things that make me happy. Sweetest Day flowers, a nice card, being added to an internet list titled “please sit on my face”
‘ (@Sassafrantz) October 16, 2016
The internet: that place where you click around, and somehow keep accidentally ending up on the SoCal Honda dealers page.
‘ Dan Cronin (@croninwhocares) December 6, 2016
RT if you're a tiny parakeet pretending to be a clinically depressed woman on the internet
‘ Deirdre (@figgled) October 9, 2016
This video is a part of a series. Funny Or Die News hit the streets to talk to the people about the protests in NEW YORK CITY after the tragic death of ERIC GARNER at the hands of local law enforcement. Tragically young black men seem to keep getting killed by law enforcement in this country, so we decided to make a reusable video template since, fucking tragically, until our system changes this will probably happen again.
Couple of nights ago I asked if anybody had any requests and this guy up front requested my Staples joke. Which I forgot how to do. So he tried to tell me how to do it. I gave him the mic and he did it better than me.