By: Jason Flowers
The internet is a giant garbage dump, but these tweets still love it every part of it.
Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.
Your parents in 2016: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.
‘ Daniel Kibblesmith ?? (@kibblesmith) November 19, 2016
Tonight, I went for a walk with my eighty-year-old neighbor who doesn't get her news from the internet and I felt like a time traveler.
‘ Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 5, 2016
[if people went to prison for reasons my mum thinks]
i drank a beer when i was 17, what you in for?
“i downloaded shrek 2 off the internet”
‘ k e i t h (@KeetPotato) November 25, 2016
why would anyone fight w a stranger on the internet when u can just fight w your spouse in a Golden Corral?
‘ Megan Neuringer (@MeganNeuringer) April 19, 2016
The most hate I’ve ever gotten on the internet was when I spelled twenty one pilots as “21 pilots”
‘ Christine Sydelko (@csydelko) October 17, 2016
Can't spell Internet without “intern who is working for free whilst drowning in college debt”
‘ Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) March 25, 2016
People say the world is bad because you can buy an AK-47 on the internet but where are they looking, like what site because I can't find one
‘ Elle Oh Well (@ElleOhHell) October 28, 2016
Before the Internet, if you wanted to say something disrespectful anonymously to a large group of people, you had to hire a sky writer.
‘ Mike Primavera (@primawesome) July 13, 2016
My son put a Minecraft server called ‘my dad sucks ‘ on the Internet and the police won ‘t arrest him for it
‘ Becky Isotobe (@BuckyIsotope) March 8, 2016
The entire Internet is a giant certificate of participation
‘ Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 25, 2016
AD: Pride and Prejudice
AD: and Zombies
ME: Epic fuck. Sir, you have won the Internet. Bacon. Sriracha. Bill Murray
‘ Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) November 6, 2016
Kids today don ‘t know hardship. When I was a kid times were tough. Everything was the same but the internet was slower
‘ the hippo account (@InternetHippo) June 16, 2016
The internet makes me feel like a kid in a candy store if the candy was mixed in with bits of broken glass and Andy Borowitz headlines.
‘ maura quint (@behindyourback) November 28, 2016
Cause of death: Drowned in all the answers to a rhetorical question she posted on the Internet.
‘ Kashana (@kashanacauley) May 1, 2016
twitter is hell & so is the internet but- consider this: dog pics. pics of dogs. pictures that are… of a dog. dogs that have been pictured
‘ beth mccoll (@imteddybless) October 25, 2016
In my day, we didn ‘t have Internet porn. We had to fashion a Silly Putty penis for He-Man, and make him get dominated by Teela and Evil-Lyn.
‘ REW (@therealeatwood) September 5, 2016
“What do your kids do?”
“My daughter is a doctor and my son is an internet culturista.”
‘ Chris Kelly (@imchriskelly) June 15, 2016
Before the Internet came around I was like a really mediocre Google to some of the neighborhood kids.
‘ Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) March 1, 2016
*if Internet were real life*
*at baby shower*
Me: did y'all finish stranger things? I loved it!
Them: go fuck yourself you piece of shit.
‘ Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) August 28, 2016
It’s the little things that make me happy. Sweetest Day flowers, a nice card, being added to an internet list titled “please sit on my face”
‘ (@Sassafrantz) October 16, 2016
The internet: that place where you click around, and somehow keep accidentally ending up on the SoCal Honda dealers page.
‘ Dan Cronin (@croninwhocares) December 6, 2016
RT if you're a tiny parakeet pretending to be a clinically depressed woman on the internet
‘ Deirdre (@figgled) October 9, 2016
Oh my god.
He DID invent the internet.
That's why it runs on “Al Gore Rhythms”
‘ Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) March 8, 2016
After a chat with The Backstreet Boys and a studio session with famed production duo Da Internz, the boys finally have their first full-length single.
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