By: Jason Flowers
Roasting This Year’s Grammy Nominees
Funny Or Die would like to congratulate all the nominees for the 2017 GRAMMY Awards. But first, you know we gotta hit ’em with some sick burns.
Album Of The Year
25 ‘ Adele
This album should only be 25 minutes long, because the rest of it stinks. BOOM. ROASTED.
Lemonade ‘ Beyonc ‘
Lemonade? More like an Arnold Palmer (not as good). Haha. Boom roasted.
Purpose ‘ Justin Bieber
What Do ‘ Mean this pipsqueak got nominated for a Grammy? BOOM. roasted.
Views ‘ Drake
The “Views ‘ are good, but the sound is terrible. ROASTED. BOOM.
A Sailor ‘s Guide To Earth ‘ Sturgill Simpson
This album was actually great, but your momma should have given you a less stupid name. Uh ‘ boom. roasted.
Record Of The Year
“Hello ‘ ‘ Adele
New phone who dis? Boom. Roasted.
“Formation ‘ ‘ Beyonc ‘
If we ‘re being honest, I never listened to Lemonade. I know. I know. I just. I don ‘t think it ‘s for me. BOOOOOM. Roasted!
“7 Years ‘ ‘ Lukas Graham
Next! Boom. Roasted.
“Work ‘ ‘ Rihanna Featuring Drake
If say you can understand anything Rihanna ‘s saying in this song then you might be Donald Trump ’cause you ‘s a liar. Boooom. Roasted.
“Stressed Out ‘ ‘ Twenty One Pilots
This song is very bad and I don ‘t want to even joke about it. BO(ROASTED)OM.
Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical
Benny Blanco – WHO?
Greg Kurstin – WHO?
Nineteen85 – WHO?
Ricky Reed – WHO?
Max Martin – Oh, the Britney Spears guy!
BOOM. ALL YA ‘LL ROASTED.
Song Of The Year
“Formation ‘ ‘ Khalif Brown, Asheton Hogan, Beyonc ‘ Knowles & Michael L. Williams II, songwriters (Beyonc ‘)
Hot sauce in your bag? More like NOT sauce, ’cause you ain ‘t gonna win. Boom Roasted.
“Hello ‘ ‘ Adele Adkins & Greg Kurstin, songwriters (Adele)
Hello. It ‘s me. I was wondering if after all these years you ‘d like to please stop singing. SICK. BOOM. ROAST. ED.
“I Took A Pill In Ibiza ‘ ‘ Mike Posner, songwriter (Mike Posner)
If you want Avicii to think you ‘re cool, put out a better song than this. Boom Roasted (3X)
“Love Yourself ‘ ‘ Justin Bieber, Benjamin Levin & Ed Sheeran, songwriters (Justin Bieber)
This song ‘s actually kinda dope. Hmm ‘ need a burn. Um, remember when Bieber sang that N-word in a YouTube “parody ‘ song? BOOM. ROASTED.
“7 Years ‘ ‘ Lukas Forchhammer, Stefan Forrest, Morten Pilegaard & Morten Ristorp, songwriters (Lukas Graham)
Next. BOOOOOOOOOM. roasted.
Best New Artist
Kelsea Ballerini, The Chainsmokers, Chance The Rapper, Maren Morris, & Anderson .Paak
The music industry is hard enough as it is without people roasting you. Best of luck to all new artists everywhere!
