By: Ben Wietmarschen
The dirty little secret of Christmas is that it makes all the grown up boys and girls horny. The roaring fire? The boozy, creamed cordials? The snow falling lightly on the roof? Admit it: that kind of stuff jacks you up.
To make sure you seal the deal this Christmas, we ‘ve put together a list of Christmas Carols readily available to you this holiday season that WILL make your lover horny for sex. Guaranteed.
“Angels We Have Heard On High (Sung By Boys Choir) ‘
After the family leaves and it ‘s just you and your lover removing your itchy sweaters and climbing under the warm blankets, crank this classic carol all the way up and go to town on each other ‘s writhing naked bodies. The young boys ‘ prepubescent falsettos will raise your lovemaking to epic levels.
“Away In A Manger ‘
For a second round of exhilaratingly exhausted love-making, press play on this slow tune and your lover will feel compelled to slowly pleasure you from head to toe as you follow along to the story of Christ ‘s birth told in this classic carol ‘s lyrics.
“I Don ‘t Want A Lot For Christmas ‘ By Mariah Carey
While a little on the nose, Mariah Carey ‘s yuletide tune is perfect way to unsubtley say to your lover: “I want your naked body hot and sweaty and plopping across my naked body all night while Santa is downstairs leaving gifts under the tree (not a mataphor for cunnilingus)”
“Deck The Halls ‘
This songs rhythm makes it easy to hump along to all the Fa-la-la ‘s.
There ‘s quite a few ‘ 😉
“Silver Bells ‘
The silver bells won ‘t be the only ones going Ding Dong after you see your lover remove his Santa-Riding-A-Candy-Cane boxer shorts. Go to town on his hog and balls while this tune is eerily echoing in the background and your yule log will be wet in no time.
“Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy ‘ By David Bowie and Bing Crosby
Mouth along to Bowie and Bing ‘s banter and role play as the young rockstar/old guard crooner while you caress each other to completion. Pretending to be two of the most sensual artists of all time while combining the two most triumphant Christmas carols of all time will make you cum very very hard.
“Oh Tannenbaum ‘ (German version of “Oh Christmas Tree ‘)
Speaking of sensual: Germans! Get lost in the disciplined, measured singing of our Bavarian friends. Sing worship for her body the way the Germans sing worship to their Christmas trees and she will melt out of her winter PJ ‘s and into your arms and on your crotch.
“Jingle Bells ‘
Play with his balls like they ‘re bells!