10 Excellent Ways To Get Your Brain Functioning In The Morning

Butt chug your coffee

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Unplug it and plug it back in

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Slap your head repeatedly while muttering, ‘Think, dipshit! ‘

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Just lay there on your fucking phone until you ‘re gonna be the same 10 minutes late for work you always are

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Replace your alarm clock with a full-grown badger

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Tell people you meditate

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Set your house on fire when your alarm goes off

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Hide breakfast in a ball you must interact with to shake it out

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Half-finish a crossword puzzle

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Try to limit yourself to 7 beers the night before