By: Keaton Patti
In order to reward treasure seekers, all fast-food restaurants have secret items that are better than those listed on the menu. Next time you ‘re at one of these locations, try one of their hidden delights!
McDonald ‘s – Order “The McMansion in Winter ‘
This is a Big Mac foundation, stacked with an Angus Deluxe, stacked with a Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese, with a roof of McRib, all thrown into the McFlurry machine and served in an employee ‘s hat. If you eat it all in one sitting, you win an entire month of depression. It ‘s $53.00.
Burger King – Order “The King ‘s Mistress ‘
You ‘ll receive a normal-looking Whopper. However, when you take off the bun you ‘ll find a hotel room key. Go to that hotel and open the door. Inside you ‘ll find a Chipotle chorizo burrito that ‘s all yours. Pay for the room when you leave.
Taco Bell – Order “The Tears of Santa Maria ‘
This is a special bean burrito (meaning it hasn ‘t been sneezed on or near) that is dropped into a extra large cup of Mountain Dew Baja Blast. This is better than anything on the menu.
Chick-fil-A – Ask “Why Aren ‘t You Open on Sundays? ‘
The employee will explain that the store policy is for Chick-fil-A stores not to be open on Sundays. Thank them for the information and then eat the employee. Tasty.
Wendy ‘s – Ask for “The Key to the Bathroom, Please ‘
The employee will wink at you, hand you a bag of teeth and point at three other customers (the Untoothed). You have to figure out which teeth belong to which customers using your intellect alone. If you complete the task in under 5 minutes, the spiciest chicken sandwich ever made will be granted to you. If you fail, several of your teeth will be ripped out, and you ‘ll become one of the Untoothed.
*Only available at participating locations.
Long John Silver ‘s – Order “Poseidon ‘s Picnic ‘
This is a bountiful feast of oysters, clams, shrimp, and cod fit for a Greek God. After you, a mere mortal, is discovered eating the food of the divine, the Gods of Mount Olympus will plague your life with misfortune and turmoil. You ‘ll lose your job, become estranged from your family, your favorite shows will be cancelled and replaced with hidden camera footage of you mispronouncing words everyone should know how to pronounce, and nobody will acknowledge your social media presence. It ‘ll be worth it though, because those clams were amazing.
KFC – Order the “I ‘d Like to Apply for a Job ‘
Fill out the application, do well at the interview the following week, set up your work schedule, work hard for 5 years, get promoted to Manager, work hard for 10 years, get promoted to Regional Manager, work hard for 15 years, marry the CEO ‘s widowed daughter, truly love her with all of your might, get promoted to CEO, divorce the woman you love, go into any KFC kitchen in the world and make whatever the fuck you want. I recommend the chicken.
Arby ‘s – Order the “I ‘m the Health Inspector ‘
You will be welcomed behind the counter. The manager will shake your hand, secretly slipping you a $100 bill. Walk around and say “I see nothing wrong here, ‘ and leave the store. Take the $100 and buy a sushi dinner. Don ‘t tip. Tipping is considered rude in every culture. This secret off-menu item is also available at every other restaurant.