By: Alex Pearson

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The 50 Best Ways Obama Could End His Presidency

  1. Killing Osama Bin Laden ‘s even more evil brother
  2. One last game of hot lava across the entire White House with Biden
  3. Repealing Obamacare
  4. And immediately replacing it with Even Obama-ercare
  5. Replacing all the White House showerheads with shiny new gold ones
  6. Producing a brand new birth certificate for whichever country he decides to lead next
  7. Two packs of cigarettes and a middle finger
  8. Strolling shirtless across the White House lawn, ‘Michelle 2020 ‘ back tattoo on full display
  9. Not taking everyone ‘s guns away, but just going around and mixing them all up
  10. Not taking everyone ‘s guns away, but just symbolically taking them away from one redneck at random
  11. Hiding in the closet until Trump shows up and jumping out dressed as Swamp Thing
  12. Launching Hope Energy Drink
  13. Killing Negan
  14. Big-time Just For Men sponsorship deal
  15. Taking the only remaining VHS copy of that Sinbad genie movie out of the safe
  16. Meryl Streep Film Festival
  17. Sledding out the front door of the White House, Home Alone style
  18. Ziplining out the back window of the White House, Home Alone style
  19. Taking off the mask and doing whatever it is reptilians do instead of wink
  20. Finally letting Joe Biden sit on his shoulders while wearing one trench coat21.Overturning the pardons of 8 very smug turkeys
  21. Leading the Women ‘s March on Washington while twirling a baton
  22. Walk-off home run in a softball game against Russia
  23. Getting a motorcycle and becoming a bounty hunter
  24. The speech from the end of Rocky IV
  25. Finally beating Ruth Bader Ginsburg in a pie-eating contest
  26. Making the Monday after the Super Bowl a national holiday
  27. For everyone except the Browns. They have mandatory practice
  28. Doing a Cheshire Cat, where everything slowly vanishes except his smile. And also his ears
  29. One last thorough check of the country for Bigfoots
  30. One last prank call to Kim Jong Un, on speaker phone so we all can hear
  31. A meaningful handshake and one or two lines of bittersweet voiceover about how he and Merrick Garland drifted apart after 2016
  32. Stopping in at a D.C. Starbucks, where everyone climbs on the tables and does the ‘O Captain! My Captain! ‘ thing
  33. Universal HBO
  34. Retweeting the details of your band ‘s big gig in a couple weeks
  35. Banning sad dog commercials
  36. A big song and dance number with the entire Cabinet and all his Secret Service agents
  37. And then lifting off in a flying convertible with his arm around Michelle
  38. Legally making rollerblading cool again
  39. Unmasking Banksy
  40. Being Banksy
  41. Marrying Daenerys
  42. Performing one last time on the White House roof with his metal band, Death Panel
  43. Converting Area 51 into a theme park
  44. With a big reveal that he ‘s actually a host
  45. Strictly making red baseball caps against White House dress code
  46. Appearing as a surprise guest on the couch with a panel of B-celebrities recapping his presidency
  47. A cry-off with John Boehner
  48. Spending the last hour with his finger hovering only an inch above the red button, just to feel the rush of power one more time
  49. Capping internet joke lists at like 10 or 15

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