By: Alex Pearson
The 50 Best Ways Obama Could End His Presidency
- Killing Osama Bin Laden ‘s even more evil brother
- One last game of hot lava across the entire White House with Biden
- Repealing Obamacare
- And immediately replacing it with Even Obama-ercare
- Replacing all the White House showerheads with shiny new gold ones
- Producing a brand new birth certificate for whichever country he decides to lead next
- Two packs of cigarettes and a middle finger
- Strolling shirtless across the White House lawn, ‘Michelle 2020 ‘ back tattoo on full display
- Not taking everyone ‘s guns away, but just going around and mixing them all up
- Not taking everyone ‘s guns away, but just symbolically taking them away from one redneck at random
- Hiding in the closet until Trump shows up and jumping out dressed as Swamp Thing
- Launching Hope Energy Drink
- Killing Negan
- Big-time Just For Men sponsorship deal
- Taking the only remaining VHS copy of that Sinbad genie movie out of the safe
- Meryl Streep Film Festival
- Sledding out the front door of the White House, Home Alone style
- Ziplining out the back window of the White House, Home Alone style
- Taking off the mask and doing whatever it is reptilians do instead of wink
- Finally letting Joe Biden sit on his shoulders while wearing one trench coat21.Overturning the pardons of 8 very smug turkeys
- Leading the Women ‘s March on Washington while twirling a baton
- Walk-off home run in a softball game against Russia
- Getting a motorcycle and becoming a bounty hunter
- The speech from the end of Rocky IV
- Finally beating Ruth Bader Ginsburg in a pie-eating contest
- Making the Monday after the Super Bowl a national holiday
- For everyone except the Browns. They have mandatory practice
- Doing a Cheshire Cat, where everything slowly vanishes except his smile. And also his ears
- One last thorough check of the country for Bigfoots
- One last prank call to Kim Jong Un, on speaker phone so we all can hear
- A meaningful handshake and one or two lines of bittersweet voiceover about how he and Merrick Garland drifted apart after 2016
- Stopping in at a D.C. Starbucks, where everyone climbs on the tables and does the ‘O Captain! My Captain! ‘ thing
- Universal HBO
- Retweeting the details of your band ‘s big gig in a couple weeks
- Banning sad dog commercials
- A big song and dance number with the entire Cabinet and all his Secret Service agents
- And then lifting off in a flying convertible with his arm around Michelle
- Legally making rollerblading cool again
- Unmasking Banksy
- Being Banksy
- Marrying Daenerys
- Performing one last time on the White House roof with his metal band, Death Panel
- Converting Area 51 into a theme park
- With a big reveal that he ‘s actually a host
- Strictly making red baseball caps against White House dress code
- Appearing as a surprise guest on the couch with a panel of B-celebrities recapping his presidency
- A cry-off with John Boehner
- Spending the last hour with his finger hovering only an inch above the red button, just to feel the rush of power one more time
- Capping internet joke lists at like 10 or 15
