By: Ryan Haney
Yeehaw! You’ll Never Guess What These Cowboys Love Most About Coming To The Big City
Don ‘t be fooled by all that singing about “home on the range. ‘ Even cowboys like a little taste of urban living every now and then. Check out what these hard-ridin ‘ cattle drivers like to do in the big city when they bring those doggies to market!
“There ‘s so many different kinds of things to lasso in the city. Yesterday, I roped a halal cart! ‘
“Out there, all alone on the ranch, I feel like the master of my domain, but here I can get on the subway and feel like an itty-bitty little bug! ‘
“I can finally get me some honest to goodness dim sum. ‘
“The billboards are incredible. Giant, sexy ladies in their under-things. Huge bottles of Coca Cola. It ‘s so, so close to this reoccurring dream of mine. ‘
“Three words: No. Dang. Coyotes. ‘
“I like going to a Warby Parker and trying on the glasses right there in the store. They make online returns super easy, but I just never seem to get around to sending ’em back. ‘
“I try see me a big musical. Then I describe the whole thing to my trail hand Zeke so he can do it back for me in shadow puppets next time we ‘re ’round the campfire.
“I go into a Levi ‘s store and look at all the crazy junk that they ‘re making out of jeans. That ‘s always good for a laugh. ‘
“I go to one of them big, fancy hospitals and get me an MRI to see if that cattle thief ‘s bullet has moved any closer to my spine. ‘
“When I ‘m sleeping out under the stars, the other guys like to point out the different constellations. I play along, but to tell you the truth, everything looks like some kinda weird crab to me. So, it ‘s nice to get a break from that whole situation. ‘
“I love to go to a modern art gallery. I ‘m blessed to live out amongst God ‘s many works of incredible natural beauty, but He doesn ‘t have a lot of shit that, like, gets up in your face, you know? ‘