11 Survival Hacks For The Impending Nuclear War

Roaches always survive. Make sure your home is full of roaches that can shield/mentor you

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Buy an old school desk to hide under

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Increase your lead intake

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Watch ‘The Mask ‘ to learn proper bomb-swallowing technique

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Stock up on bottle caps

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Kiss your wife ‘s sister already

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Gentrify one of the seven new planets

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Get bitten by a nuclear warhead

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Drink small amounts of piss so when it ‘s all you can drink it ‘s not so bad

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Continually funnel money away from debt and social programs to build up your nuclear arsenal while you let your foreign policy decisions rest on a shaky foundation of war by proxy and capitalist colonialism

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Finally learn guitar

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