By: Pitch

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11 Survival Hacks For The Impending Nuclear War

Roaches always survive. Make sure your home is full of roaches that can shield/mentor you


Buy an old school desk to hide under


Increase your lead intake


Watch ‘The Mask ‘ to learn proper bomb-swallowing technique


Stock up on bottle caps


Kiss your wife ‘s sister already


Gentrify one of the seven new planets


Get bitten by a nuclear warhead


Drink small amounts of piss so when it ‘s all you can drink it ‘s not so bad


Continually funnel money away from debt and social programs to build up your nuclear arsenal while you let your foreign policy decisions rest on a shaky foundation of war by proxy and capitalist colonialism


Finally learn guitar


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