11 Survival Hacks For The Impending Nuclear War

Roaches always survive. Make sure your home is full of roaches that can shield/mentor you

Buy an old school desk to hide under

Increase your lead intake

Watch ‘The Mask ‘ to learn proper bomb-swallowing technique

Stock up on bottle caps

Kiss your wife ‘s sister already

Gentrify one of the seven new planets

Get bitten by a nuclear warhead

Drink small amounts of piss so when it ‘s all you can drink it ‘s not so bad

Continually funnel money away from debt and social programs to build up your nuclear arsenal while you let your foreign policy decisions rest on a shaky foundation of war by proxy and capitalist colonialism

Finally learn guitar