By: Funny Or Die
Trump To Flip Schedule: Play Golf Weekdays, President On Weekends
(Washington, DC) Sean Spicer announced today that Donald Trump will now play golf at Mar a Lago from Monday thru Friday and work at the White House Saturday afternoons through Sunday mornings. Sunday nights Trump will catch up on his ‘programs. ‘
‘The President has found that when he plays golf there tend to be fewer problems to deal with and less foreign complicated junk. He believes this move is for the betterment of the nation. ‘ Spicer chastised.
Initial polls show 4 out of 5 Republicans ‘s support the controversial move. ‘The Golf course is where deals get done. When Obama golfed he was just goofing around. Trump makes deals. ‘ Said Tim McGrew a paint gun range operator from Tulsa, OK. ‘You liberal media types don ‘t get how business works. That ‘s why you all live in New York. ‘
The usually circumspect Political historian Norman Ornstein was less supportive of the idea. ‘This is fucking crazy. We ‘re living in fucking banana town. And half the country has their heads so far up their crappers they ‘d applaud this President if he sat in a high chair and ate his own doo-doo. ‘
To accommodate the move all Secret Service members will now be trained as caddies and professional golfer Fred Couples will join the National Security Council.
‘Honestly I ‘ve always thought the general assembly room at the United Nations would make a great driving range. ‘ Trump later said while golfing ‘But I guess the crooked media would say that ‘s a bad idea. For sure though if PBS and NPR want to keep their funding they ‘d better stop doing so many shows on how to make Korean sandwiches or how some old guy makes mandolins from drift wood and start covering golf more. ‘
The President then put odds of a war with North Korea at a par five with a water trap.