By: Pitch

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10 Ways To Avoid Getting That Promotion

‘Work smart, not hard. ‘ ‘Think outside the box. ‘ ‘Be a team player. ‘ With buzzphrases like these, any idiot can get promoted at work. But some people are actively looking to avoid the commitments and responsibility of a better job title. These are some tips for them:

Refuse the sexual advances of Bill O'Reilly

Don ‘t be white and male

Whisper ‘fuck yeah ‘ every time a coworker shows you a picture of their annoying kid

Make sure only Haley Joel Osment can see you

Don ‘t reign in the clip art

Tell your bosses that in five years you see yourself bathing in the blood of your rivals

Order yourself a singing telegram every day to perform ‘Happy Birthday ‘

Hold your boss ‘s hand and whisper, ‘Do you trust me? ‘

Do the Cosby voice and ask everyone out for drinks after work

Totally botch that executive order banning Muslims your boss wanted

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