By: Mike Jungman

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“That Rabbit Deserved To Die” By The Pilot Wife Who Defended United When It Dragged Off That Doctor

Hi, it ‘s me, the Pilot Wife who wrote a viral blog post defending United after it slammed that elderly doctor ‘s face into an armrest. Here ‘s a little snippet:

United is back in the news after a giant rabbit died on one of its flights, so I ‘m also back to say: that rabbit deserved to die.

Look, I get it. Living things shouldn ‘t needlessly die. But most living things shouldn ‘t hurtle through the air at 700 miles per hour either. If a rabbit were launched from a catapult it would die when it landed. So I ‘m not going to cry and scream like a toddler just because something died like it ought to.

Here ‘s the part where I shamelessly invoke 9/11 to scare people into accepting whatever airlines want to do to us in the name of security. Do you remember 9/11? Because the way you ‘re pissing and moaning makes it seem like you don ‘t. If you truly remembered 9/11 you would be thanking federal aviation officials for deigning to treat us and our pets any better than a used air sickness bag.

Here are the ways in which your dumb, wrong opinions are dumb and wrong:

1) ‘You can ‘t just kill a living thing! ‘ Psssst! It ‘s in the fine print. They can, indeed, do just that. Legally, United can break your stuff, kill your pets, and fuck your spouses. And that ‘s just on the ground where they ‘re governed by terrestrial law. In the air, far above man ‘s byzantine rules and regulations, they can do whatever they want to you. Anything.

2) ‘Killing a paying customer ‘s pet!? I ‘m taking my business to a different airline! ‘ Um, okay. But just be sure you understand that every major airline gets their rocks off on killing pets. In fact, all the major airlines have a big contest to see who can kill the most pets every year. The winner gets to eat them.

3) They shouldn ‘t have killed that cute bunny, it was so weirdly big! ‘ No one chose to kill that rabbit specifically. When the urge to kill enters into an aviation professional ‘s body, which tends to happen at 39,000 feet, destroying any living thing will satiate their blood lust. Just be glad it wasn ‘t you or someone you love. Because next time it very well may be, and you better believe I ‘ll write another blog post defending United ‘s right to snuff out your worthless life.

4) ‘United should face consequences for killing someone ‘s pet! ‘ That ‘s rich. Let ‘s punish every company that ‘s responsible for an avoidable death. OK, now that every corporation is in corporation jail, who ‘s going to fly the planes? You? Oh that ‘s right, you ‘re neither a pilot nor an airline executive and don ‘t know first goddamn thing about flying a plane or monopolizing the plane flying market.

I hope this this give you a smidgen more insight into the complexities of aviation. I ‘m not making excuses, however, that rabbit deserved to die and so do you.

– Angelia (A Pilot Wife)

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