By: Langan Kingsley
President Trump’s Letter To Fired FBI Director James Comey

By: Langan Kingsley
A handy guide for the end of the world. From Issue #005 of The Occasional.
Walking outside while female? Better bring your deathbeam.
Road 2 Oddball – Boston, MA submission from Gary Petersen
Isn ‘t there a place where us blood freaks can deposit, and possibly gain interest on, our immense caches of blood?
Jurassic World opens this weekend and the reviews are out. What are the critics saying? We’ve sifted through them all and pulled the most insightful lines from the most prestigious reviewers working today. “WOWZA There r dinos. 10 stars.” -Peter Travers, Rolling Stone “Shit my pants during the first action sequence but there were dinos so i didn’t get up because i didn’t want to miss more dinos.” -Manohla Dargis, New York Times “I liked it when the big ones roared. 20 stars.” -Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times ‘Mom, did you see the dinosaurs? I like the ones with teeth.” -David Edelstein, New York Magazine ‘Holy moses we ‘ve got water dinos!! 50 thumbs up!!!” -Joe Morgenstern, Wall Street Journal ‘I came continuously for two hours.” -David Denby, The New Yorker ‘It wasn ‘t a sexual thing. But I do orgasm powerfully when I see dinos.” -David Denby, The New Yorker ‘To clarify re: orgasms, have zero regrets.” -David Denby, The New Yorker ‘I sat next to David Denby at the press screening I attended.” -Christopher Orr, The Atlantic
Introducing a revolutionary nightgown that lets your man know when tonight is just NOT the night!