By: Jason Flowers
23 Tweets About Texts We’re Gonna Need You To Read By The End Of The Day

It may already be too late to read these tweets.
Just got your text from last night: you need to cut the red wire first to stop the countdown.
‘ Frank Whitehouse (@WheelTod) March 5, 2017
A good prank is to text your mom “it's okay my mother will never find out” followed by “sorry wrong person” and then just wait it out
‘ Online Participant (@SortaBad) April 12, 2017
The Only Ways I Text Back
1. Immediately
2. Never‘ Ally (@TragicAllyHere) May 3, 2017
A friend text me after the election to ask how I was doing. Now she says I'm mad at her because I haven't answered, but I'm still typing.
‘ elizabeth williams (@Elizasoul80) March 2, 2017
[googles how to get out of a speeding ticket]
cop: why would you voice to text that‘ Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) December 11, 2016
Sorry I didn't text you back, I was really busy all day thinking up the lie I'm telling you right now
‘ Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) August 29, 2016
Hey, the 80s called. Cuz they don't know how to text.
‘ Matt Koff (@mattkoff) July 13, 2016
Every tv show should be called: “Can You Rewind It? I Got A Text And Lost The Plot”
‘ Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) September 11, 2016
every text I send after 1am is fake news
‘ Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) January 15, 2017
Changing the names of all the contacts in my phone so that I can be like
Siri, text The Wailing Heron
or
Siri, call A Cavernous Longing!‘ spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) August 5, 2016
Late night text in 2015: U up?
Late night text in 2017: Here is a poem about loss I think you’ll enjoy,‘ alana hope levinson (@alanalevinson) April 26, 2017
emojis were invented bc we needed a way to end text mesage conversations without being awkward
‘ jomny sun (@jonnysun) March 4, 2017
HOT TIP: wait to reply to his text until you no longer care if he lives or dies
‘ Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) November 5, 2016
when u randomly get a two-step verification text because someone is trying to hack ur email pic.twitter.com/Tz9SHR6Cx5
‘ Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) March 29, 2017
If someone doesn't text you back immediately, don't get upset–they probably just saw a creepy clown and had a heart attack
‘ Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) October 6, 2016
Me: I'm so lonely
Also me: OH JESUS A TEXT MESSAGE GREAT NOW I HAVE TO THROW MY PHONE IN THE GD RIVER LEAVE ME ALONE
‘ Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) October 13, 2016
before we had all this SOCIAL FUCKING MEDIA to post food pics on, people would just TAKE the pic, and TEXT it, to a RANDOMLY CHOSEN NUMBER
‘ tara shoe (@tarashoe) September 2, 2016
[Text from Mom]
Mom: Please call me right away urgent
Me: What is it?
[eighteen days later]
Mom: do you need any paint? the cat says hi
‘ Daniel Kibblesmith ?? (@kibblesmith) March 11, 2017
Don't include me in your “baby name suggestions” group text if you're gonna ignore my ideas. Pubert is a beautiful name for a boy OR girl.
‘ Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 9, 2016
i wish there were self-destructing texts oh wait that's every text i send
‘ Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 6, 2016
for all the time you save w/ predictive text you waste even more when you have to send another message that says “I meant ‘jizz’ not ‘kids'”
‘ Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) December 11, 2016
I accidentally put a period at the end of a text to my kids and now they want to legally change their last name.
‘ Mike Scully (@scullymike) August 15, 2016
i have zero tolerance for any “omg i wanna text him but i assfdjsjd” type shit anymore it's the damn apocalypse snap him a titty
‘ jaboukie young-white (@jaboukie) February 7, 2017
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