By: Wes Schlagenhauf

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PREDICTION: Soon Fidget Spinners Will Start Blowing Up In People’s Hands

Fidget spinners are great. They ‘re fun, compact and by George, they spin! Originally designed to help children focus, these toys have proven to be fun for the whole family. Unfortunately based on what we know to be true with mega-toy trends, the fidget spinner will undoubtedly be the next toy to go up in flames ‘ literally. Even worse, fidget spinners are going to start blowing up in people ‘s hands.

In the same way Allan Lichtman predicted a Trump presidency (and to the same level of importance), this prediction may come off as polarizing to many. But before you break out the tar and feathers, think about the history of toy trends:

The Self-Balancing Scooter

These self-balancing (more like self-exploding) scooters first hit ground in 2014, and by 2015 every man, woman, child and tech company made their purchase for these bad boys. Months later, they began to catch fire under the feet of the very people (men, women, children and tech companies) that supported them.

Months later, after the world ‘s precious gateway into the future compromised the safety of our own two feet, our very ears, eyes and faces were compromised as well.

The Samsung Galaxy Note 7

This beautifully crafted mobile device was set to revolutionize the way people communicated. Unfortunately these cutting-edge mobile toys were more interested in blowing up in people ‘s faces.

And blow up they did:

One of the first people to fall victim to the Samsung Galaxy ‘death ‘ toy.

Now you ‘re probably thinking, ‘but those other toys are electronic, it ‘s conceivable for them to explode. Fidget spinners aren ‘t electronic, they just spin! ‘

Correct, they do just spin. Now ask yourselves this, ‘what does a spin create? ‘ FRICTION. And based on Sir Isaac Newton ‘s laws of physics what does friction create? SPARK. And what does a spark create?

It is on very good authority (the Allan Lichtman kind, remember?) that these fidget spinners are nothing but explosive devices posing as fun toys. If we as a society are not careful, our hands are soon to be compromised as well. Then next thing you know the world is chock-full of a bunch of blind, handless, faceless, footless people hobbling around full of regret for not heeding this all too important warning.

So heed it, and heed it good. And may God have mercy on your souls.


P.S. If for some reason these ticking time bombs of fun don ‘t explode, here ‘s a list of pre-existing things that very well could ‘ve been caused by the fidget spinner:

  • Trump Presidency
  • Bears coming too close to schools
  • Airplane fights
  • The death of everybody ‘s favorite whale/actor Tilikum
  • The cancelation of Fox ‘s hit TV show The Grinder
  • And many others

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