By: Abigail Barr
Six Avocado Toasts That Will Make You Say, “This Is Better Than Being Able To Afford A House!”
Recently, articles have come out saying the reason millennials can ‘t afford to buy houses is because they ‘re spending too much money on avocado toast. And they ‘re right: avocado toast can be really expensive. But you ‘ll feel like a hip kid when you eat them. Here are six avocado toasts that ‘ll make you say ‘this is better than being able to afford a house! ‘
1. Avocado Toast Flecked With Rose Gold – $50,000
If there ‘s one thing cooler and more on trend than avocado toast, it ‘s rose gold: a metal that says ‘I ‘m hardcore enough to like gold, but girly enough that it has to be sort of pink. ‘ These semi-edible rose gold flecks will make your toast taste like white privilege. $50,000 is a small price to pay to want to donate $1 to planned parenthood by purchasing a pussy hat!
2. Virtual Reality Avocado Toast – $55,000
Virtual Reality is such an exciting new frontier, says your boyfriend who watches too much Battlestar Galactica. You can put nerdy glasses on, or step into a strange pod and feel like you ‘re transported to your favorite video game. This avocado toast requires you to strap on the newest VR goggles to take a bite. You can make your avo toast taste like anything, including something actually good! Sure you ‘ll just be chomping on air IRL, but it ‘ll be trendsetting air!
3. Destination Avocado Toast – $70,000
This avocado toast requires you to travel to the elusive La Basica Bitcha mountains in Italy, where you ‘ll taste the most sumptuous avocado toast ever. Julia Roberts had some while filming Eat Pray Love 2: Binged, Worshipped, Banged and it made her skin light up like a radioactive glow worm. The actual plane there only costs $1,000 but the other $69,000 covers life insurance, since you will be traveling through the Bermuda Triangle. Your skin will be fly AF, and you can tell Amelia Earhart to suck it!
4. Music Festival Avocado Toast – $75,000
This Avocado Toast is only served to VIPs who attend FirstClassChella, Coachella for very rich people. FirstClassChella is headlined by Beyonce ‘s twins, so you def won ‘t want to miss their new banger ‘Mary Had A Little Lamb. ‘
5. Whole Foods Avocado Toast – $80,000
It ‘s probably the most expensive avocado toast on this list, but no one is really sure why. Found next to the $8 water with a single asparagus stalk in it and the chickens that were raised in a meditation garden, this toast will leave you smiling ear to ear with its sheer mediocrity. If you leave this incredibly ‘grammable avo toast out for over ten seconds though, it ‘ll look like Shrek trying to get a sun tan, so eat up quick.
6. Decent Health Insurance Avocado Toast – $85,000 +
The Decent Health Insurance Avocado Toast is amazing because in addition to getting avocado toast, rich in fiber and vitamins, you ‘ll be able to afford to go to the hospital if you ‘re feeling sick. But you know what you ‘ll never get sick of? Eating Avocado Toast!