By: Chris Chromak
You ‘re crying and claiming you ‘ll light yourself on fire
Oh man, we ‘ve all seen this before. You say you ‘re going do something ‘stupid ‘ and everyone is like ‘No way Chris is that dumb ‘. Then, you prove them all wrong.
Watch out for what your mouth is saying, because sometimes it is the truth. And in this case, you ‘re about to light yourself on fire.
You ‘re frantically looking for a lighter
If you find yourself looking in couch cushions and junk drawers for something, anything that can produce a flame – take a second and ask yourself, ‘why am I in such a rush? ‘ The answer might just be ‘crazed panic ‘. In this situation, please take a moment cause oh boy you ‘re about to do something down right irreversible, like light yourself on fire.
You ‘re holding a flame to your skin
There are two ways this could go: one, you might just be wanting to impress someone – maybe there ‘s a potential lover nearby or an ex marine you want to befriend. The second is you ‘re straight up trying to light yourself on fire. Look around at the people surrounding you. If they appear impressed you ‘re in the clear. Any other impressions and you are most likely freaking out and lighting yourself on fire.
You ‘re gathering small wood and kindling
If you ‘re in the woods and camping you are probably just building a campfire. Still though, people can light themselves on fire in the woods. You must always be alert.
If you find yourself in this position ask yourself: ‘Once I light this fire, am I going to stand in it? ‘ If the answer is is ‘yes ‘ then yes, you ‘re about to light yourself on fire.
Everyone is asking you not to light yourself on fire
If you notice you are being circled by people and their attention is 100% on you – listen up because what they are saying, in most cases, pertains to you. If you ‘re hearing things like ‘Chris, please don ‘t light yourself on fire ‘ or ‘Goddamnit if you won ‘t stop for yourself stop for us!! ‘ it is a strong possibility you ‘re lighting yourself on fire.
You ‘re dousing yourself in gasoline
Damn. You ‘re definitely freaking out and lighting yourself on fire.
You ‘re trying to light a lighter even though it too is covered in gasoline
No way around this one. There ‘s absolutely no chance you ‘re not freaking out and lighting yourself on fire.
You ‘re engulfed in flames
Ding! Ding! Ding!