By: Brian Boone

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Here Are All the Cool Features Of ‘Super Mario Odyssey ‘

The hottest video game system of the year is the Nintendo Switch, and its most anticipated game is Super Mario Odyssey. Unlike the many, many Mario games of the past, this one is ‘open world, ‘ which means that the player, as Mario, can explore the landscape of the game as much as they like. Super Mario Odyssey looks pretty awesome ‘and here are some of the most awesome things about it.

Super Mario Odyssey set in an open, immersive world of New York City, but for copyright reasons they had to call it ‘New Donk City, ‘ which is a way better choice than Los Anbelus or Chirpago.

‘ The game cartridge smells like urine! New York City, baby! (New Donk City,baby!)

‘ The game begins with Mario Mario arriving at Ellis Island from Italy, where officials immediately change his name to ‘Mark Johnson. ‘

‘ Mario ‘s objective: Save Peach, because she ‘s being held captive, doing an internship for Rookie.

‘ While you ‘re free to explore the world of the game, Mario is barred from visiting different areas if he doesn ‘t have the right power-ups or clothes. Like Brooklyn.

‘ Mario ‘s hat is now a living, breathing thing that he can throw and then get immediately stolen.

‘ Mario can explore what it ‘s like to rent a desk in a co-working office space.

‘ The game is full of ‘mini-games, ‘ like ‘How Long Can You Sit on the SubwayAcross from a Masturbating Guy Before You Move? ‘ and ‘Can You Stomach a Meal in the Guy Fieri Restaurant? ‘ and ‘Are You Allergic to Toxic Mold? ‘ and ‘Brunch ‘and ‘You Are a Member of the Strokes Now. ‘

‘ So many co-op board meetings.

‘ If you can ‘t find the power-ups you need, such as Invincibility Stars or FireFlowers, you can get them at a bodega, where they ‘re overpriced and expired six months ago.

‘ Everyone is an enemy.

Super Mario Odyssey is the first-everMario game to not feature mushrooms. But Luigi knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who does Ayahuasca ceremonies.

‘ The level set in the Tenement Museum is a profound, moving experience.

‘ If Mario collects enough mini-stars, he can take ‘The REAL Kramer ‘s New Donk City Seinfeld Locations Tour. ‘

‘ Billy Eichner yells at Mario if he cannot immediately identify Daveed Diggs.

‘ Warp zones! (Falling asleep on the subway.)

‘ The game is open-ended, like your relationships with Tinder dates. Also, Mario has to go on a whole bunch of Tinder dates.

‘ At the end of eight, okay, ten hours of play, Mario has to spend 90 minutes commuting to New Jersey, sorry, New Jornky.

‘ At the end of the game, Mario can cash in all of his coins and achievement points for the chance to buy 0.01 percent of the Brooklyn Nets.

Super Mario Odyssey costs five times as much as other video games.

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