By: Jason Flowers
The jerk store called, they are NOT running out of tweets.
FRIEND: Hey, the jerk store called
ME (face lights up): Someone called?
‘ Hippo (@InternetHippo) April 16, 2017
Thank you for calling the Jerk Store. This call may be recorded so we can make fun of you later.
‘ pat tobin (@tastefactory) July 21, 2014
the jerk store called ‘ they ‘re no longer selling any confederate flag merchandise, and changing their name to the Decent Person Store
‘ lawblob (@lawblob) June 24, 2015
the jerk store called, they said they're all out of updog
‘ Churlish (@Cryptoterra) September 15, 2014
The jerk store called. They caught your son stealing jerks again
‘ donni saphire (@donni) July 6, 2017
The jerk store calls are coming from inside the house
‘ James (@cashbonez) June 5, 2017
Reasons I can ‘t take your call
Just discovered how to turn off safe search
On the other line with jerk store
‘ Becky Isotobe (@BuckyIsotope) November 14, 2013
The jerk store called. Turns out they were just worried about me; hadn't seen me in a while. It was nice.
‘ Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) February 18, 2016
The Jerk Store called. They're no longer selling pumpkin spice jerks. It was one of those automated phone calls.
‘ John Moe (@johnmoe) November 18, 2015
primary issues with the jerk store's business model:
–chronic inventory shortages
–100% of workday spent insulting customers by phone
‘ PAPPADEMAS (@PAPPADEMAS) December 6, 2016
nice baby where'd u get it the jerk store
‘ beth mccoll (@imteddybless) June 26, 2014
the jerk store called, i mean the white house
‘ FROVO (@fro_vo) May 8, 2017
The jerk store didn't call me cause they knew feeling left out would be the most hurtful of all.
‘ Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) August 30, 2015
The jerk store called. *removes hat* I'm afraid there's been an accident.
‘ Churlish (@Cryptoterra) March 26, 2013
The Jerk Store called. You know, that Jamaican spice store down off Broadway? Anyways: they said you suck shit lol
‘ Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) October 18, 2014
Hey, the jerk store called. They had the wrong number. I love you, Dave
‘ Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) October 23, 2014
American Horror Story: Jerk Store
‘ Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) September 15, 2016
The jerk store catcalled. It wants you to smile, you're much prettier when you smile.
‘ Elle Oh Well (@ElleOhHell) January 30, 2015
The Jerk Store called. It's closing because it couldn't compete with Amazon. 🙁
‘ Matt Koff (@mattkoff) September 2, 2014