The jerk store called, they are NOT running out of tweets.
FRIEND: Hey, the jerk store called
ME (face lights up): Someone called?
‘ Hippo (@InternetHippo) April 16, 2017
Thank you for calling the Jerk Store. This call may be recorded so we can make fun of you later.
‘ pat tobin (@tastefactory) July 21, 2014
the jerk store called ‘ they ‘re no longer selling any confederate flag merchandise, and changing their name to the Decent Person Store
‘ lawblob (@lawblob) June 24, 2015
the jerk store called, they said they're all out of updog
‘ Churlish (@Cryptoterra) September 15, 2014
The jerk store called. They caught your son stealing jerks again
‘ donni saphire (@donni) July 6, 2017
The jerk store calls are coming from inside the house
‘ James (@cashbonez) June 5, 2017
Reasons I can ‘t take your call
No thumbs
Spider webs
Just discovered how to turn off safe search
Hate you
On the other line with jerk store‘ Becky Isotobe (@BuckyIsotope) November 14, 2013
The jerk store called. Turns out they were just worried about me; hadn't seen me in a while. It was nice.
‘ Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) February 18, 2016
The Jerk Store called. They're no longer selling pumpkin spice jerks. It was one of those automated phone calls.
‘ John Moe (@johnmoe) November 18, 2015
primary issues with the jerk store's business model:
–chronic inventory shortages
–100% of workday spent insulting customers by phone‘ PAPPADEMAS (@PAPPADEMAS) December 6, 2016
nice baby where'd u get it the jerk store
‘ beth mccoll (@imteddybless) June 26, 2014
the jerk store called, i mean the white house
‘ FROVO (@fro_vo) May 8, 2017
The jerk store didn't call me cause they knew feeling left out would be the most hurtful of all.
‘ Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) August 30, 2015
The jerk store called. *removes hat* I'm afraid there's been an accident.
‘ Churlish (@Cryptoterra) March 26, 2013
The Jerk Store called. You know, that Jamaican spice store down off Broadway? Anyways: they said you suck shit lol
‘ Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) October 18, 2014
Hey, the jerk store called. They had the wrong number. I love you, Dave
‘ Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) October 23, 2014
American Horror Story: Jerk Store
‘ Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) September 15, 2016
The jerk store catcalled. It wants you to smile, you're much prettier when you smile.
‘ Elle Oh Well (@ElleOhHell) January 30, 2015
The Jerk Store called. It's closing because it couldn't compete with Amazon. 🙁
‘ Matt Koff (@mattkoff) September 2, 2014
Mark Normand, Seth Herzog and Nikki Glaser come up with passive aggressive messages to hang on the fridge. Watch full episodes of @midnight now: http://on.cc.com/17MOT5T
After watching clips of wrestler hijinks in and out of the ring, Yassir Lester, Chris D’Elia and Ron Funches answer questions about what these flamboyant fighters are like. Watch full episodes of @midnight now: http://on.cc.com/17MOT5T
An Itazura coin bank captures the attention of a kitteh. Thanks to: youtube.com/shirley330 For more funny cat videos visit http://icanhascheezburger.com
The ultimate mash-up.
Soooooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edgar Allan Poe invites some of history’s most famous authors to play a murder mystery game, but things don’t go quite as planned. On April 6th, bring your appetite for murder. EDGAR ALLAN POE’S MURDER MYSTERY DINNER PARTY A new eleven part murder mystery comedy series Produced by Shipwrecked Comedy In Association with American Black Market Written & Created by Sean Persaud & Sinead Persaud Directed by William J. Stribling – http://www.twitter.com/wjstrobelight With Sean Persaud as Edgar Allan Poe – http://www.twitter.com/SeanPersaudMD Sinead Persaud as Lenore the Lady Ghost – http://www.twitter.com/SineadPersaud Mary Kate Wiles as Annabel Lee – http://www.twitter.com/mkwiles Sarah Grace Hart as Emily Dickinson – http://www.twitter.com/hartgracesarah Jessica Jade Andres as Krishanti – http://www.twitter.com/JessicaJAndres Whitney Avalon as Mary Shelley – http://www.twitter.com/whitneyavalon Ashley Clements as Charlotte Bront ‘ – http://www.twitter.com/TheAshleyClem Tom DeTrinis as Oscar Wilde – http://www.twitter.com/teedetee Ryan Garcia as Eddie Dantes – http://www.twitter.com/muchosgarcias Lauren Lopez as George Eliot – http://www.twitter.com/LaurenLopez1 Curt Mega as Guy De Vere – http://www.twitter.com/curtmega Margie Mintz as Agatha Christie – http://www.twitter.com/margiemintz Tara Perry as Louisa May Alcott – http://www.twitter.com/taraperry Joey Richter as Ernest Hemingway – http://www.twitter.com/JoeyRichter Blake Silver as HG Wells – http://www.twitter.com/blakesilver Clayton Snyder as Fyodor Dostoevsky – http://www.twitter.com/heyclaytron Jimmy Wong as Constable Jimmy – http://www.twitter.com/jfwong and Jim O’Heir as Constable Jim – http://www.twitter.com/jimoheir Production Designer: Katie Moest – http://www.twitter.com/katiemoest Art Director: Kim Brunner – http://www.twitter.com/kimbrunner Composer: Dylan Glatthorn – http://www.twitter.com/glatthorn Sound Design: Justin Lee Dixon – http://www.twitter.com/justinleedixon Editor: Raymond Fraser Director of Photography: Alex Gallitano – http://www.twitter.com/alexgallitano Assistant Director: Wes Middleton Executive Producers: Gregg Gibbons & April Morris Shipwrecked Comedy Producers: Sean Persaud, Sinead Persaud, Mary Kate Wiles, & Sarah Grace Hart American Black Market Producers: Brent Madison – http://www.twitter.com/BrentAMadison Ryan Murphy Kickstarted by 1,139 wonderful people Join us on tumblr: http://shipwreckedcomedy.tumblr.com Follow us on twitter: http://www.twitter.com/shipwrckdcomedy Follow us on instagram: http://www.instagram.com/shipwreckedcomedy Friend us on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/shipwreckedcomedy
