By: Beaker

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7 Ways To Get The New Jay-Z Album Besides Paying For Tidal

Rap mogul Jay-Z ‘s new album 4:44 is supposedly only available on selected streaming services, and if you ‘re not a member, then tough luck. But there ARE other ways to get your hands on this year ‘s most talked about album.

1) Pull a thorn from Chris Martin ‘s foot

Jay-Z ‘s friend Chris Martin has had a thorn stuck in his paw since 2001. So far, nobody has been able to remove it. Are you the one? Chris will no longer be able to sing falsetto, but he will finally be free – and you will be rewarded.

2) Ask nicely

‘Watch your manners when my veins pop like Scanners ‘ said Jay on Reservoir Dogs. Walk up to him, say ‘Please may I have an album? ‘ and he will give one to you. It ‘s as simple as that.

3) Free Beyonc ‘ from the top of a really tall tower

Beyonce is being held captive at the top of a really tall tower with all ramparts around the top. Use a grappling rope to get up there, get her down, put her on your horse, and ride it to Brooklyn to claim your prize.

4) Teach Jay-Z to play golf so he can win enough money to buy his grandmother ‘s house

Jay-Z ‘s grandmother may lose her house unless Jay-Z can win enough money playing in golf tournaments to buy it. Can you keep Jay on the course and away from trouble long enough to get one of those big checks?

5) Deliver a parcel within a strict time limit

Get on the flashing bicycle outside and ride through a series of checkpoints on your way to deliver a parcel. Get there within 90 seconds and a man behind a door will take the parcel through a hatch, and hand you a copy of 4:44.

6) Fix the Roc-A-Fella ice cream van

Held in storage since 2006, the Roc-A-Fella ice cream van has fuel but will not start. If you can get it running using the tools provided, you ‘ll get your prize. The album will be awarded on activation of the chime.

7) Dress up like Frank Zappa and amuse Blue Ivy

With musical parents it ‘s no surprise little Blue Ivy adores singing and dancing, and her favourite is deceased prog-rock troubadour Frank Zappa. Sing ‘I Don ‘t Wanna Get Drafted ‘, get the little Carter ‘s seal of approval, and Jay ‘s new album will be yours.

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