By: Alex Pearson

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Donald Trump Jr.: “I Was Unaware I Was Donald Trump’s Son”

An official statement from Donald Trump Jr.:

At the time of the meeting with the Russian lawyer, which went nowhere, I was unaware that I was the son of my father. Prior to that date, no one had confirmed the exact reason people called me Donald Trump Junior. As I recall, I thought maybe it was a nickname or a coincidence. I wasn ‘t totally sure why I would have earned that nickname, but maybe people thought we looked alike or shared a lot of the same hobbies, like working for Trump businesses.

Obviously I ‘m the first person to be named after a presidential candidate to not know he was the son of the presidential candidate.

I had noticed that a man who shared my name and looked like the Donald Trump from TV was hanging around me a lot. However, it was never explained to me why exactly. I thought maybe I was on a reality show or maybe the two of us just tended to move in the same circles, circles that were comprised almost entirely of members of the Trump family and a few extremely unscrupulous political operatives.

It ‘s time for the media to move on from this meeting. And to be clear, I am not giving yet another inconsistent account of this event. As I ‘ve maintained from the beginning: the Donald Trump campaign never met with representatives of the Russian government, but I, not knowing I was a part of the Donald Trump campaign or family, did meet with a Russian lawyer representing the Kremlin, but it was about adoption rules and not the presidential campaign, which she had promised to help with and I eagerly accepted.

I am happy to meet with the Senate Intelligence Committee to share what I know, but they should know that I will be stepping down from my role as Donald Trump Junior. Kellyanne Conway and Jared Kushner will now share responsibilities as co-Donald Trump Juniors. Please direct any follow-up questions about Donald Trump Junior to the one who can talk. Effective immediately, I will take a new position as some guy named Chet.

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