By: Pitch

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10 “Benefits” Of Abolishing Net Neutrality

Right now, new FCC Chairman and former Verizon lawyer Ajit Pai has a plan to destroy net neutrality and give big cable companies immense control over what we see and do online. If they get their way, the FCC will give companies like Comcast, Verizon, and AT&T control over what we can see and do on the Internet, with the power to slow down or block websites and charge apps and sites extra fees to reach an audience.

Sounds TOTALLY AWESOME, RIGHT?? We ‘re pumped. Here are some other great benefits we ‘ll get out of the destruction of Net Neutrality and the internet as we know it.

You can finally make female-run sites load at 78% the speed of male-run sites

Don McLean ‘s new song about the day the internet died

[This joke available to Verizon subscribers only]

Slow Netflix = Welcome back, Blockbuster!

The internet will be another thing the Jews can be accused of controlling

‘No, no, I USED to be a sex offender ten grand ago, now I ‘m clean, look me up. ‘

90s kids will love these retro browser speeds!

You ‘ll learn to enjoy buffering

Laws are supposed to make things worse now, and this would do that

You have always dreamed of being completely known and understood, which is something that a company can now do

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