By: Tom Rainey
6 Ways To Tell If Your Father Is Mark Wahlberg
There ‘s a 2014 MTV Movie Award in your living room
Although the famed Golden Popcorn isn ‘t a surefire DNA test, if your living room does contain the 2014 Generation Award – there ‘s a good chance your father is Mark Wahlberg!
Your Uncle Donnie is always there for some reason
Does your Uncle Donnie always seem to be in the kitchen cooking up some eggs or changing the oil in your dad ‘s car? When your father does deadlifts in the garage while yelling ‘DADDY ‘S HOME ‘, is your Uncle busy congratulating him on his ‘ass attracting abs ‘? Do you ever hear Uncle Donnie ask your father to do a ‘New MEN on the Block Reunion Tour ‘? If any of this sounds familiar – your father is one step closer to being Mark Wahlberg!
Some guy named Jerry Ferrara keeps calling the house
If your father makes the jerk off motion with his hand when the caller ID reads ‘Ferrara,”start getting excited, that ‘s another check in the “Mark Wahlberg may be your dad ‘ column!
You eat at Wahlburgers every Thanksgiving
Was your father able to unlock the front door at your local Wahlburgers last Thanksgiving? Did he say, ‘now that ‘s a Good Vibration ‘ as he turned on the turkey carver? Was the table surrounded by your Uncles Donnie, Ronnie, Lonnie, Johnny, and Doug? If you ‘ve answered ‘yes ‘ to any of these questions – it looks like Mark Wahlberg may be your biological father!
You ‘ve received Calvin Klein underwear every Christmas for the last 15 years
Do you find yourself unwrapping the same kind of Calvin Klein Classic Briefs every Christmas? Does your father offer to autograph each pair ‘M. Wahlberg ‘ for you? Does he often point to a photo of himself in his briefs and say ‘Someday, you ‘ll be the Calvin of the house ‘? If this sounds like Christmas to you, consider adding yourself to the ‘My dad is probably Mark Wahlberg ‘ list!
Your father ‘s Social Security Number is 216-13-7724
If this is your father ‘s Social Security Number, look no further – Your father is definitely Mark Wahlberg! OHHHH YEAHHHHHHHH!