By: ZZ Grunnings
Report: This Neighborhood Has 3 Subway Restaurants But It Needs More
(1a) Report on Economic State of This Neighborhood
(1b) As requested by the citizens of this Neighborhood, per the Neighborhood Constitution, this Neighborhood council must, once-yearly, in perpetuity, provide a report on the state of our Neighborhood economy.
(1c) As determined by the citizens through mail-in ballots, the true state of the economy is best understood through the number of Subway restaurants that have opened and remain open in the Neighborhood.
(1d) Seriously, there are 26, 744 Subway restaurant locations in the USA; that ‘s more than McDonald ‘s and Starbucks. There are like two fucking Subway restaurants at the same intersection? How is this possible? The Only Explanation is that Subway Restaurants are a not a traditional franchise business but rather a complex marker of economic vitality and activity; Therefore:
(2a) Table of Number Of Subway Restaurants
|Year||Number of Subway Restaurants|
(3a) Conclusions Concerning the State of the Economy After Analysis of the Number of Subway restaurants in this Neighborhood
(3b) Despite a robust population of 51 persons in this Neighborhood, we only have three Subway Restaurants. Since 1977 we have enjoyed a linear growth in our Neighborhood economy, peaking in 2007. However, for unclear reasons, our economy has been reduced by 25% in the past 10 years. This was not influenced by fewer Citizens eating at Subway Restaurants because pretty much no one ate there to begin with.
(3c) Therefore: The conclusion of the Committee In Charge Of The Report on the Economic State of this Neighborhood decrees that we need more Subway restaurants.