By: Louie Aronowitz
You don ‘t bring a backpack full of snakes with you everywhere you go? After hearing these perfectly reasonable and logical situations where a backpack full of snakes would be not only useful, but imperative, you will certainly change your mind about carrying a backpack full of snakes with you everywhere you go.
Pick-up Snake Charmer Battle
You gotta be spontaneous! What if you come across a snake charm-off? Then where will you be?! Gotta bring a backpack full of snakes with you!
Snake Singles Event
What if you find yourself at a snakes singles event and need to quickly set someone up on a date? You ‘ll be glad you have a backpack full of snakes!
What ‘s the most efficient way to get rid of the subway rats? Introduce subway snakes! Empty out that backpack full of snakes, and let them do their thing ‘
Perfect For Any Weather
If it ‘s too hot out, snakes are cold blooded, just wrap one around your neck.
If it ‘s too cold out, have one swallow you whole so you can stay warm inside its belly! And you thought they smelled bad on the outside!
A backpack full of snakes is simply just the adult thing to do!
Indiana Jones Whip ‘ But Smart!
Do you want a whip like Indiana Jones? Do you want the Indie Whip v2.0? One that has a brain and can obey commands? Just reach in that backpack full of snakes and pull out your instant smart-whip!
Snake Man Cosplay
Comic-Con is coming up soon, are you ready? With a backpack full of snakes, you ‘re always ready!
If You Meet Samuel L. Jackson
Let ‘s say you run into Sam Jackson, and you want him to say THE LINE ‘ He might do it, but what if he doesn ‘t want to because it ‘s “humiliating ‘ or “demeaning ‘ or “annoying ‘ or any other such nonsense. Here ‘s the solution, empty out that backpack full of snakes, instant inspiration for him to shout THE LINE. Go on, try it ‘
If You ‘re Just Feeling Lonely ‘
Are you lonely? Want some company? Want someone to watch reruns of The Office and eat ice cream with you? Hey, you ‘re never alone when you have a backpack full of snakes with you. Empty them onto the couch, and snuggle in real close. Not too close, cause they might spoon you a little too tightly and suffocate you, but just enough for a nice little cuddle sesh ‘ Nice!
Well, there you have it. 8 perfectly realistic and logical reasons to always have a backpack full of snakes with you wherever you go. Be careful, there is always a chance they might eat you, or poison you, but hey, what ‘s life without a little adventure, right? Do you know of some more perfectly legit reasons to bring a backpack full of snakes with you wherever you go? Let me know in the commentssssss, I ‘m sure there ‘s more! Ssssssssee ya next time!