By: Malcolm Kelner

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Trump Announces Continuation Of War In Afghanistan And, Unrelated, Construction of “Trump Kabul” Hotel

In his highly anticipated speech Monday night, President Trump announced a doubling down of the U.S. ‘s war effort in Afghanistan, and also, unrelated, the construction of the new “Trump Kabul ‘ hotel.

“We fill fight to win, ‘ Trump said. “And fight to get this beautiful, golden building up in no time. Believe me. ‘

Trump ‘s announcement that he ‘d be continuing the U.S. ‘s 16-year war came as a surprise to many, as he has been tweeting since 2013 about how the U.S. should leave Afghanistan, and campaigned on a platform of cutting back the U.S. ‘s presence in the Middle East and elsewhere overseas.

Well, Trump ‘s change of heart is starting to make sense now.

Likely story, Mr. President.

As military personnel watched from the audience with confusion, Trump continued laying out details for the project.

Digital rendering of the new Trump Kabul hotel

“Rest assured, no Muslims will be allowed as guests or visitors at the hotel until we can figure out what the hell is going on, ‘ Trump said of the hotel in the 99.7% Muslim nation.

“Of course, that is, except really rich ones with those cool turban things. You know, those long white ones with the big black band going across the front? Those are so cool! ‘

Trump concluded by saying he wasn ‘t going to publicly disclose how much the hotel ‘s construction workers would get paid, if at all, insisting “my business rivals must never know my plans. ‘

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