22 Delicious Tweets That Have Zero To Do With Politics

me: i should clean
depression: put clothes on ur bed so you HAVE to deal w it l8r
me, l8r: im tired
depression: j throw it on the floor lmao

‘ jaboukie young-white (@jaboukie) August 23, 2017

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Very excited for this [squints] straight-to-Hulu documentary about the sensational murder trial of a mysterious babysitter pic.twitter.com/gVg2feFlkM

‘ Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) August 23, 2017

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pretty sure any three stars close together are “Orion's Belt”

‘ joe mande (@JoeMande) August 22, 2017

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me: hey
any store’s “off to college” section: pic.twitter.com/F4vXikB2CC

‘ helena (@freshhel) August 23, 2017

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the two types of drunk pic.twitter.com/G01MspHxbf

‘ Zeru (@DoubleStraps) August 22, 2017

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take a little time out of your day to watch this pic.twitter.com/ugIzrzqHTk

‘ ? caitybug ? (@caitybugink) August 21, 2017

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I fixed giraffes. pic.twitter.com/QtavtoFRAt

‘ joey alison sayers (@joeyalison) August 22, 2017

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There is no longer any distinction between Nicolas Cage's movies and Nicolas Cage's life. pic.twitter.com/ADrRuJboUZ

‘ Jeremy Woodcock (@jwPencilAndPad) August 19, 2017

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[Dentist waiting room]

Me: [chanting] teeth, teeth-

Other patients: teeth, TEETH

Secretary: [pounding her clipboard] TEETH, TEETH, TEETH!

‘ brandAn Current Year (@LeBearGirdle) August 17, 2017

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That's Hot! #SolarEclipse2017

‘ Paris Hilton (@ParisHilton) August 21, 2017

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This turkey sandwich better chill tf out pic.twitter.com/zQE25BG6xT

‘ AV (@deathcamps) August 22, 2017

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To my fellow dudes. Before sliding into the mentions of a woman you don't know, ask yourself one question: “Am I a piece of shit?”

‘ Glenn Loury 2.0 Darker, Gayer, Different (@justabloodygame) August 22, 2017

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Just when I thought America was beyond repair I found a fucking hotdog farm LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL pic.twitter.com/adPJhF7GKO

‘ Tinker Elle (@elle91) August 21, 2017

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I love when a fancy place has a water jug with cucumbers in it. I don't like the taste, I just love watching cucumbers drown

‘ Ryan O'Flanagan (@ryanoflan) August 21, 2017

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The Eclipse got an A- from the UV Club

‘ Megan Amram (@meganamram) August 21, 2017

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hmu

h – hit
m – me with
u – ur car

‘ Kait (@itzzkait) August 20, 2017

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This is a problematic shirt. pic.twitter.com/kdnSNNkhfq

‘ John Beardmore (@JohnBeardmore) August 23, 2017

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this view didnt come easy pic.twitter.com/EUaAHEdD0B

‘ ??? ????? ??? (@HotGamerSex) August 19, 2017

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Shout out to the top five stands, last, kick, hot dog, lemonade and one night.

‘ George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) August 23, 2017

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Me (giving eulogy): *sniff* He was the best friend *sniff* a guy could ask for *sniff*

*priest walks over & gently takes glue from my hand*

‘ your bff alex (@psybermonkey) August 23, 2017

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Val Kilmer signed my copy of Top Gun pic.twitter.com/NHZqcgTNsa

‘ shyduck (@theshyduck) August 19, 2017

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Me: *Posing nude for the first time*

Photographer: Absolutely stunning, but inappropriate for your drivers license tbh

‘ Boog (@BoogTweets) August 23, 2017

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Ahhhhhh, that ‘s better. See ya next week for more of EVERYTHING that isn ‘t politics!