By: Pitch

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Reasons You Sent Your Mom’s Call Straight To Voicemail

Mom ‘s calling again, but you ‘re not going to pick up. No need to feel guilty, you ‘ve got your reasons.

“It ‘s what she really wants; to hear my voice for 11 seconds and then to speak uninterrupted for 3 minutes. ‘

“She ‘s been dead for 8 years. ‘

“I have to be at work in 5 hours. ‘

” ‘Cause I ‘m still not married. Sorry ‘ ‘

“I owe her $200 for going over our text plan in high school. ‘

“Want her to think I ‘m out with friends. ‘

“Hanging out with my side-mom. ‘

“I ‘m a grown man and have my own opinions about this week ‘s People Magazine. ‘

“If she wants to talk, she should come to the basement and do it in person. ‘

“Venmo is my preferred way of communicating with her. ‘

“Because I ‘ve already explained to her that ‘Grace and Frankie ‘ has a finite number of episodes available to watch. ‘

“I already know about Kohl ‘s. ‘


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