22 Tweets About Skateboards We’re Gonna Need You To Read By The End Of The Day

The simplest way to find drugs is to locate an adult with a skateboard

‘ Online Participant (@SortaBad) June 25, 2016

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Badass When You're 15: Somebody jumping a skateboard over a shark tank
Badass When You're 35: Someone saying what they really think

‘ pat tobin (@tastefactory) May 6, 2017

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The consensus among historians is that the Biblical figure “Cool Petey Skateboard” never actually existed

‘ beloved comedy institution “the pixelated boat ‘ (@pixelatedboat) April 27, 2016

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Kid: trick or treat
Me [hands him a skateboard]: trick
Kid [stares blankly]: …
Me: yeah I didn't think so. Get the fuck outta here

‘ David Hughes (@david8hughes) October 7, 2016

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Dear finance guy on a skateboard,
Pick one.

‘ Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) June 23, 2015

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I used to think I was too fat to skateboard but with a little practice and perseverence now I know for a fact that I'm too fat to skateboard

‘ dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) September 18, 2015

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I just saw a guy do a skateboard trick carrying a bag of bagels, it's too bad his destination wasn't into my heart

‘ audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) April 9, 2015

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My parents won't buy me a skateboard because they don't want me to become radicalized.

‘ Dave Shumka (@daveshumka) December 5, 2015

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My husband may have been born a skateboard, but he died a coward, and THAT'S what counts 🙂

‘ Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) September 28, 2016

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Student: Professor, can I talk to you?
Teacher: Oh please, Professor was my dad. Call me “Teach.”
[Teacher steps off skateboard and sits.]

‘ April Lavalle (@imatoofbrush) August 9, 2016

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ME: [walk into garage] skateboard? But that means ‘

SON: [driving to school in my shopping cart]

‘ the pan-midwesterner (@panmidwest) July 9, 2016

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Meeting me for breakfast on your skateboard is a good way of letting me know you ‘re not picking up the bill.

‘ Erica (@SCbchbum) February 4, 2015

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Meeting me for breakfast on your skateboard is a good way of letting me know you ‘re not picking up the bill.

‘ Erica (@SCbchbum) February 4, 2015

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The scariest sound in the world is walking on a sidewalk and suddenly hearing a skateboard behind you.

‘ Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) November 20, 2016

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“Son we need to talk”
Ok dad
“Your mom and I have decided to send you to boarding school”
Sweet! *runs to get skateboard*

‘ dan mentos (@DanMentos) November 28, 2014

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I bet Superman gets really pissed when skateboard punks try to hitch a ride on the end of his cape.

‘ spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) March 26, 2016

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*walks up to teen on skateboard*
In my day we didn't have skateboards. We rode down handrails in a horse & carriage. ok man, stay fleek.

‘ kim ?? (@KimmyMonte) December 30, 2016

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I taught my dog to skateboard, but now I hate the group of teens he's been rollin' with.

‘ John Reynolds (@JohnReynoldss) July 20, 2017

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u can lead a horse to water, you can also tape two squirrels together and make them ride a skateboard. u can do anything with squirrels!!!

‘ goth turtle (@dubstep4dads) February 20, 2016

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I think we're about 5 years out from seeing a skateboard in a Cialis ad.

‘ Alex Baze (@bazecraze) March 15, 2015

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what about watching eight dog riding skateboard videos in a row makes youtube ads think i'm in any position in life to buy a fucking lexus

‘ rob whisman (@robwhisman) April 10, 2016

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[sees a cute dog on a skateboard]
haha, gnarly, little dude!!
[skateboard headed into oncoming traffic]
oh, he has like, no control

‘ josh (@ruinedpicnic) November 19, 2015