By: Mike Glazer
It feels like we ‘re living in an Icelandic heavy metal band ‘s guitar solo. Take a break, and enjoy this week ‘s best tweets about everything else!
Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat adding sage. pic.twitter.com/5JCO10MWt0
‘ Daniel Kibblesmith ?? (@kibblesmith) September 6, 2017
wife: how was ur day honey
husband: incredible. I was invited by travelocity to shout about my experience on facebook.
‘ Noah Prestwich (@NoahPwich) September 6, 2017
Quick mock for a really dumb app I wish existed…. CAN I PARK HERE OR NOT? pic.twitter.com/Fu2D9pyWW5
‘ Tara Mann (@taramann) September 2, 2017
Girls spend $70 on an outfit and curl hair and put on makeup just to hook up with a frat boy in a Hawaiian shirt who peed his bed last night
‘ Anna (@letsgetfunke) September 3, 2017
Life is just repurchasing your favorite movies in increasingly higher definitions until you die.
‘ Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) September 4, 2017
‘ Logan Guntzelman (@adirtyguntz) September 7, 2017
[New, dark Taylor Swift at the movies] “one ticket to Stephen King's It please, which is a comedy to me by the way”
‘ Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) September 5, 2017
Oh no. Oh no, the website… pic.twitter.com/gelKz7GXM5
‘ Amityville Amber (@ElementalAmber) September 1, 2017
It's a beautiful day pic.twitter.com/yafyGPBU8M
‘ schwarz crow (@schwarzcrow94) August 31, 2017
me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
shark 1: i'm out
shark 2: i'm out
hammerhead shark: i'm listening
‘ andrew (@AndrewChamings) September 1, 2017
The original title of So You Think You Can Dance was So You're A Mormon Man With A Big Secret.
‘ Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) September 2, 2017
I'm going to need a little more on the backstory here please. pic.twitter.com/2K7vCyoUEA
‘ All Berets Matter (@AllBeretsMatter) September 2, 2017
Stacking dice on a cat’s foot pic.twitter.com/yxF8Bmyfmv
‘ Nature is Amazing (@AMAZlNGNATURE) September 4, 2017
[my wife to everyone at the pool party] pls don't tell him, he's never known the truth
[me loudly as I jump off the diving board] CABIN BALL
‘ Ygrene (@Ygrene) September 2, 2017
PISS IN THE FROG'S MOUTH LIKE A MEN!! pic.twitter.com/FbwPkKDOUf
‘ Sam Chaplin (@SamChaplin) September 4, 2017
I like how men get their hair cut when they hit puberty and then that's just the way they do their hair for their whole lives.
‘ jess (@jessokfine) September 4, 2017
A great moment in movie history is when Harvey can’t recognize The Joker until he takes off his surgery mask. pic.twitter.com/nFbS8qMn4F
‘ David S. (@AE_DavidS) August 31, 2017
you know I keep that mf thang on me pic.twitter.com/JcAJk1Y3jH
‘ NachoManRandySadness (@juckfohn) September 2, 2017
If I hear one more person ask how I got my body so amazing, I am going to pop an artery. Its simple people, burn more calories than you take in. Don’t have time to go to the gym? Easy peasy. Use objects found around the home.
If you whined about all these amazing developments in technology to your grandfather, his head would literally explode. That’s not an exaggeration. True fact: 27 elderly people die each year from mind explosions.