By: Malcolm Kelner
Welp, Ted Cruz just got caught with his hands in the ‘ yeah.
On Monday night, Twitter users noticed the Texas Senator and former Republican Presidential candidate had ‘liked ‘ an explicit pornographic video from his verified account.
This would be a rough look for any politician, but it ‘s even worse for Cruz, who aggressively promotes “family values, ‘ and once tried to argue in court that people don ‘t have the legal right to masturbate.
But here at Funny Or Die, we don ‘t believe in jumping to conclusions, so here are 7 plausible reasons this (extremely NSFW) video somehow ended up in Cruz ‘s ‘likes. ‘
1) He got hacked.
This is the go-to excuse for nearly every celebrity social media flub, but that doesn ‘t mean it doesn ‘t actually happen sometimes. And a hacker looking to sabotage Cruz politically could have made this move, cloaked in enough subtlety to appear damning.
2) One of his staffers was exploring Twitter on his account.
Official Twitter accounts for many politicians are almost completely run by staffers. Cruz does appear to have editorial control on @tedcruz, but that doesn ‘t mean his staffers don ‘t have access to the account as well, and a naughty young boy amongst them could have very well been the culprit.
3) He just clicked the wrong button.
It happens to the best of us. You ‘re scrolling through your timeline, you mistakenly stumble across “@SexuallPosts,”and next thing you know, you accidentally ‘like ‘ a video of two people having intercourse on a living room couch while another woman spies on them from behind the corner and pleasures herself to those sights and sounds. After all, who hasn ‘t had that happen to them?
4) His dog got on his computer.
So, the same exact thing as #3, except the mis-click was done by his beautiful American Golden Retriever. This is actually perhaps even more plausible, as its margin for error would be exponentially higher. Honestly though, we don ‘t even know if Cruz has a dog, but if he does, this could have happened.
5) Residual winds from Hurricane Harvey blew across his keyboard in the right order.
While it has been quickly overshadowed by Irma, Hurricane/Tropical Storm Harvey was one of the worst natural disasters in American history. The winds, of course, carved a huge path of destruction, and we all know those big storms don ‘t just stop instantly. Oh, and what state did Harvey devastate the most? Texas. What state does Cruz represent? Texas. It checks out.
6) His soul was briefly possessed by the Devil.
Ted Cruz is a good man. He is a Christian man, and a family man, and we know, of course, that he would NEVER watch pornography, masturbate, or do anything of the sort. Having said that, the Devil is strong, and takes no prisoners. What ‘s to say Satan himself couldn ‘t have briefly possessed the soul of Cruz, compelling him to watch this sinful video and then express his enjoyment with a ‘like? ‘ If that ‘s the case, Cruz, of course, carries no blame.
7) It was him.
OK, yeah, it was definitely just him.